Dom Weasley's Guide To Life
by In The Loft
Summary: Dom Weasley tells the world EXACTLY how to live her life, survive crazy cousins, an owl called Gorilla and much MUCH more. A series of one shots.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One – What To Do When Your Cousins Won't Let You Copy Their Homework

**A/N: So this is a Harry Potter Next Generation fic. In case you didn't know – Dom is Bill and Fleur's second daughter. I don't own ANYTHING. **

Hi! My name is Dominique Juliet Weasley and in this story I plan to teach you the steps to living with crazy cousins, an owl called Gorilla, magic and being called Dotty by your arch enemy.

Basically, I'm gonna fill you in on EVERYTHING you need to know about ME!

_What _could be better?

I'll tell you. It would be MUCH better if Professor McGonagall hadn't set us homework on the first day back! She's a slavedriver that woman.

Another thing that could be better would be if the Egg had moved to Transylvania during the summer holidays. But oh no. He just _had _to swagger back into the Gryffindor common room as if he owned the place...

Wait. Why is The Egg in the Gryffindor common room? He's a SLYTHERIN!

"HELP! ATTACK!" I yelled, at the top of my voice. James and Fred (who had been innocently (ha) drawing on the cover of Albus' Potions textbook) covered their ears.

"Holy sheesh Dom!" James yelled, throwing a pillow at me.

"I think she deafened my other ear," Fred said, pathetically, clutching his left ear.

"What happened to your first ear?" I asked, interested.

"Roxi woke me up," Fred shook his head bitterly.

Oh. Well that explained it. Now back to the matter at hand.

"Why is The Egg in the Gryffindor common room?" I asked, to no one in particular, as James and Fred had resumed defacing Albus' textbook... I should probably stop them... Meh.

"We invited him." Speak of the devil! Albus passed behind us. I turned around to grab his collar and bring his face close to my own.  
"Listen, Al. Do you _know _how much stress I am under?"  
"It's the first day of school, Dom. Relax..." Albus twisted himself, free, grabbed his textbook, glared at his brother and went to meet The Egg.

I should probably stop to explain stuff here. The Egg is my lovely name for the spawn of Satan commonly known around here as Scorpius Malfoy. Or Scorp if you are the two traitors to the family name. Rose! Albus! I'm talking to YOU!

Now why is The Egg spawn of Satan you may be asking? Well, if you are, congratulations – you live in a HOLE. How can you _not _know the evilness of Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy? For one thing – he's a Malfoy, and as they say blood is thicker than water. For another – he is just plain RUDE. And for a third... HE CALLS ME DOTTY

Why would you call someone Dotty? Especially if their name is Dominique Juliet Weasley and there is not an Dotty in the family? The Egg is dumb, that's why.

Scorpius is weird. The Egg is strange. Full stop.

I should probably stop talking so much.

And do my Transfiguration homework.

"Jamie?" I asked. "Do you think I should stop talking so much?"

"I think you should see a psychiatrist, Dom," James said, seriously. I gave him a glare of Utter Doom and Destruction. He didn't flinch. Curse him.

"Awww... Don't be so mean, James," Fred put an arm around me. Thank the heavens for nice cousins.

"Freddie – you are now my favourite cousin!" I announced.

"Oh shucks," James slapped his hand to his forehead in mock dismay. "You made me weep, Dom."

I gave him another glare of Utter Doom and Destruction.

And withdrew some parchment from my folder to do Transfiguration.

Aren't I a good girl?

"You've got homework on the _first day back_?" Louis had thrown his arms around my neck and spoken (far too loudly) in my ear. I flicked him.

"Yes. Now leave me alone."

"I wanna borrow Gorilla."

"NO! He's MY owl! MY PRECIOUS!" I yelled back.

Do you know how the room goes really quiet all of a sudden – while you're speaking? Yeah, that happened. I shrugged.

"_What_?"

Seeing how half of the common room was related to me – no one pressed the point.

"You're so strange Dommy," Louis ran off before I could hex him for calling me that.

Stupid name.

Stupid homework.

"James!" I begged. "I'm _stuck_!"

"Work it out yourself Dom!" James reproached me.

This is unfair. I _always _give him the answers. Humph. Am I a pushover? Sometimes. Humph.

Oooh! Brainwave! Shrugging Fred's arm off – he was _sooo _trying to copy my answers – I stuffed my homework and quill into my bag and ran out of the common room, accidentally (ha!) kicking The Egg as I left.

I was on my way to see two of my BESTEST friends ever – the Scamander twins – who are INCREDIBLY clever, REALLY nice, and JUST as CRAZY as me.

I like talking in capitals. It gives me purpose.

**So what do you think? Please review! It'd make my day –and give me some of Dom's PURPOSE! **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two – What To Do When Your Owl Tries To Kill Your Teacher

**A/N: More crazed ramblings from the quill of Dom Weasley! Please enjoy and I don't own ANYTHING. Except Gorilla. **

First of all.

DON'T PANIC.

I'm a hypocrite.

I panicked.

But _seriously. _OK. I'll tell you the whole story. It's a riveting tale... STOP LAUGHING JAMES.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with that boy.

So. I was sitting in Charms, innocently burning a feather quill I had 'borrowed' from The Egg the night previously, next to Kayla Wood and Sophie Moore, when Professor Flitwick came in.

I knew AT ONCE that something was wrong – because Flitwick's hat was torn and tattered, and his robes were pecked, and there was a ball of grey fluff whizzing round his head.

"Oh _no_," I whispered.

"A little help here, please?" Flitwick toddled to the front of the crowd, batting around at Gorilla. I leapt to my feet, vaulted the desk, and ran to help the teacher.

I'm a good student.

"GORILLA!" I screeched. "SCAT! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"

You know, spells like that _really _shouldn't work on owls.

Gorilla's seriously weird.

He froze, and fell into my cupped hands.

"Sorry Professor."

"It's fine Dom. Go back to your seat while I get myself cleaned up."

Don't you wish you had such a lovely teacher?

He didn't set me detention!

He didn't even ban my bird! Hehe. That sounds funny.

He did give me tons of homework though. I'm good at Charms though. So it's alright.

**So this one's a bit shorter than the last. OK – a lot shorter. But they'll be coming quite quickly (homework permitting) Please REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – What To Do When Your Cousin Burns His Eyebrows Off

**A/N: I don't own ANYTHING. Over to Dom:**

Hahahahahaha!

Have you ever seen someone without eyebrows?

IT'S FUNNY! 

My cousin just burnt his eyebrows off. Which cousin you ask. Good question – there are a _lot _of them. Now I think about it, I guess our Mums all liked being pregnant together – because we're all born EXCEPTIONALLY close together.

The exception being Victoire.

Haha.

Sorry. I get sidetracked.

Right. My cousin burnt his eyebrows off. It's a cautionary tale. I'll start from the beginning.

"Dom! DOM! EMERGENCY OVER HERE!"

"_What?" _I shot back, accidentally flicking Al with the ink from my quill.

"Hugo burnt his eyebrows off!" Al shrieked.

"Wow."

Yeah – looking back that wasn't _quite _the reaction it ought to have been...

"It's not WOW, Dom!" Al took my hand and dragged me over to where Hugo sat with his sister.

"Dom! Thank goodness you're here!" Rose said. "Hugo burnt his eyebrows off!"  
"I've noticed... Hey. That's funny. He doesn't look strange without eyebrows."

"DOM! You're going off topic!"

Who else has noticed how much Albus yells at me?

"Why don't you take him to Madam Pomfrey?"

Who else has noticed how many of the staff are left over from our parents' days?

"It'd be _embarrassing, _Dom. I don't want to be known as The-Boy-Who-Burnt-His-Eyebrows-Off-On-His-First-Week-Ever-At-Hogwarts!" Hugo wailed.

"That's too long. No one would call you that. I think they're more likely to call you Whelk."

"_What?_ Where did that come from?" Rose asked.

I have no idea.

"Never mind. Here – let's see what I can do."

OK, kids. Here's a lesson for you. NEVER let a thirteen year old girl try to magic your eyebrows back.

It works.

If you _want _purple eyebrows.

**A/N: That's all for today folks! Please review! Pretty please? **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – What To Do When Your Cousin Dyes Her Hair

**A/N: More craziness from Dom! Please enjoy and R & R! I don't own anything. **

Support her! Especially if she looks as great as Roxi did.

I had an eventful night.

Burnt eyebrows.

Purple eyebrows.

Pink hair.

Yup! You got it! Roxi dyed her hair PINK. Well... You didn't get it... I gave it away... Ah well. Live and let die. Wait – isn't that the film? With the guy who shoots the gun? His name is... I'll get it in a mo'... James BOND! 007.

I'm great.

And modest. Hehe.

Oh yeah.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah – Roxi's hair.

She used to have red hair – like most of my family. I guess she got a bit fed up with it. I would. Luckily there are only three of us with blonde hair. Not counting Mum and Aunty Gabrielle of course.

So... You probably want to know how it all happened. Are you sitting COMFORTABLY? Then I'll BEGIN!

"Ooops..." I said. Lamely.

Hugo raised a hand to touch his brows.

"They're BACK!" he said, happily. "Now I won't be known as The-Boy-Who-Burnt-His-Eyebrows-Off-On-His-First-Week-Ever-At-Hogwarts!"

"I already told you – it's too long!" I said. No one was listening.

"HUGO! YOU HAVE PURPLE EYEBROWS!" Rose shrieked.

Boy does that girl like yelling.

Strange.

Anyway.

"That's so cool!" Hugo said.

"It clashes with your hair," Rose snapped. "Come on, I'll take you to Madam Pomfrey."

_Why didn't you do that in the first place?_

I don't know.

I never will.

It's not going to affect my life.

Soon, I became aware that my knees were hurting from kneeling next to the chair Hugo had been sitting on, and that James and Fred had appeared next to me.

"Hey guys," I said, absently.

"Hey Dom. That was pretty cool magic," Fred replied, mussing up my hair. Which, I may add, was messy already.

Hey – has anyone seen that musical Hair? I don't know what brought that up...

I think we should all pretend that never happened.

"Yeah. Pity it failed though."

"Purple eyebrows are _almost _as crazy as pink hair!"

Pink hair?

I didn't give anyone pink hair...

... Did I?

"Who has pink hair?" I asked, sitting in the seat and rubbing my knees.

"Roxi_. _Well – Roxi _wants _pink hair." Fred shook his head.

Wow.

"Wow." I said.

"It's not _wow_! She's my baby sister!" Fred stuck his bottom lip out. I flicked him.

"Doesn't work Freddie."  
"You go and talk to her! Talk some sense into her!" James begged.

I don't know why he was taking Fred's side.

Boys.

Is there a more confusing creature?

"Fine." I sighed.

REVENGE OF THE BLONDE PUSHOVER CALLED DOM!

I went up to the second year girls' dormitory.

I swear _every _girl in this year is a Weasley.

"Roxi?" I called.

Roxi stuck her head out from behind her four poster bed.

"If Fred and James sent you up, I'm not interested!" she growled.

Hmmm...

"Okey dokey," I shrugged. "I think pink'll work for you!"

"You are now my favourite cousin!" Roxi announced.

Yay.

So that was why I spent my evening – my homework sat on the table below for about three hours, alone, and lonely, and possibly crying, if homeworks can do that – helping my cousin turn her hair pink.

Aren't I nice?

Professor Flitwick might kill me.

But he probably won't.

Yay!

**A/N: More will be coming soon (hopefully!) Please R & R. It'll help the plot bunny!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – What To Do When Someone Calls You A Dumb Blonde

**A/N: Don't own anything.**

Scream.

I'll tell you the story.

As you may – or may not, if you're reading this outside Hogwarts... Unless you're PHYSCHIC...

I get distracted easily.

Ooh! Owl!

Kidding.

I'm on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I'm Chaser with Kayla Wood and James. Roxi's our seeker – Uncle George said she got the talent from Uncle Harry, who is _amazing. _Fred and Charlie Finnegan are our beaters – which is suitable, because they're both mental. And our captain, and Keeper, is Kayla's older brother Mark, who's just plain nice.

So we were going out to practice when this cloud comes over the horizon and then that epic Muggle song began playing, and we could all hear;

"WHAT'S THAT COMING OVER THE HILL, IS IT A MONSTER?"

If you haven't got it by now, then I'm shocked.

I was _joking_.

But seriously – the above description is exactly what the Slytherin team deserved as they sauntered towards us, identical smirks on all their faces.

Grrrr...

"Well, well, well," said Lawrence Zabini – the Slytherin captain. He's a seventh year – big, hulking, and really mean. He sounded EXACTLY like a policeman from one of those old movies.

"What're you doin' here Zabini?" Mark snarled.

Oooh – Mark snarling.

Sorry.

"Practicing," Zabini said. Rudely.

The Egg was smirking at me.

I wanted to punch him.

SO BADLY.

But I didn't.

"We booked the pitch for today, Zabini, so bye." Mark turned to us. "Okay guys! Get on your brooms and do a lap." Zabini made a strange jerking gesture that looked as if he had a twitch and his team mounted as well.

Those guys just DON'T give up do they?

We glared at each other.

It was the ULTIMATE face off.

Mark got bored eventually.

"Zabini! We'll take this to the Headmistress _after _practice. Just get _off _the _pitch_!"

Mark's using italics! He means business.

Dumb Zabini didn't know this.

"Uh, I don't wanna!" he said, as if this made it final.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT, ZABINI! WE BOOKED THE PITCH. GET A LIFE AND GO AWAY!" I yelled.

"Shut up. You're just a dumb blonde. What do you know about anything?" he snorted.

I snapped.

I gave a scream that could have been a warcry and hurled myself at him, punching every bit I could reach. I got the vague impression someone was encouraging me on.

I learnt later half the Gryffindor team was. Mark was trying to pull me off, and Zabini lay like a wobbling jelly on the turf.

"DOM!" James' shout eventually pierced my consciousness. My cousins and Kay hoisted me up and frogmarched me back to the castle.

Our little conversation went on like this.

"Good on you girl!" said Kayla, excitedly.

"That was AMAZING!" Roxi said, hyperly.

"HAHAHAHAHAH!" Fred.

"I should be angry with you." The _oh – so – responsible – Mr – Potter. _

Of course.

Who else?

**A/N: Please review! It'd make me HAPPY! **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six – What To Do When Bored In Detention

**A/N: Once again, I don't own anything... NUUU! **

Stand up for yourself!

I'll tell you the story.

Picture this.

I am back in detention, with my favourite teacher Professor Longbottom, who spends half his time out of the room, sitting in between the Scamander twins – who got detention for fighting Lawrence Zabini.

They found out he called me a dumb blonde.

They're overprotective.

Like my cousins.

Fred and James were also there because... Well, Fred and James are _always _there.

Hugo was there as well.

How many of us Weasley/Potters get detention?

Behind us sat The Egg and his friends Markus Flint and Primrose Parkinson. There were three other Slytherins there. But I don't know their names.

They were flicking ink pellets at us.

Immature beasts.

"Hey,Blondie," Markus hissed, when his ink pellets failed to attract any of us higher beings attentions.

"Shut up Flint," Lysander whispered, without turning. I grinned at him.

"Oooh! Protecting your girlfriend are you Sandy?" Primrose snorted.

Ly tensed. James reached for his wand.

"You. Are. Dumb." I said. Calmly.

Aren't I the peacemaker?

HA!

"Coming from Blondie," The Egg snorted.

It was at this point Professor Longbottom came back in. We all pretended not to be having an argument. He nodded, once, and left again.

Awww. Is there anyone who doesn't _love _that guy?

"Shut your pie hole Malfoy," Fred growled.

"I don't wanna," Egg said.

I told you he was immature.

"Worst retort ever," Lorcan said, briefly, and returned to doodling on a piece of scrap paper.

"Drawing's for girls, Scamander," Primrose sneered.

"It isn't," James snapped.

Hugo had been very quiet throughout all this, his eyes fixed on the desk.

Markus picked on him.

My dear innocent little cousin.

How dare he.

"Staying out of things like your dad are you, Wuss? I heard your dumb cousin dyed your eyebrows, but you're so stupid you burnt them off in the first place! You know your father deserted Harry Potter? He's no hero. He's a wimp, just like y-"

Markus didn't have any time to finish, because – WHAM – Hugo's fist had shot out and hit him square on the nose.

Markus fell off his chair.

The Egg and Primrose tensed, ready for battle.

It wasn't _really _fair – three against six.

But the three unnamed Slytherins just _had _to defend their housemates.

"ATTACK!" I screeched, leaping to Hugo's defence, and pulling The Egg off him. He whipped out his wand, and hexed my hair blue.

BLUE!

Am I Teddy Lupin?

No. I am not.

Unless something _really _weird happened that I don't know about...

"HEY!" James punched The Egg on the mouth. Lorcan turned my hair back.

YAY!

Primrose leapt on Lorcan's back, tripping him over the table. Lysander rushed to his twin's side, and they duelled Primrose and Unnamed Slytherin 1.

Fred was boxing The Egg with James.

No kidding – they were really _boxing. _

I went over to help Hugo fight Markus Flint.

I don't like that guy.

"DIE FLINT!" I yelled.

"WEASLEYS ARE LOSERS!" The Egg croaked.

"Take – It – Back!" Hugo added a punch to each word.

"Sandy's a GIRL'S name, Sandy. Did ya know that? Did ya... Oof..." Primrose was pushed by Lorcan.

"What on _earth _is going on in here?" 

Enter Professor Longbottom.

Stage right.

To give us another detention.

Meh.

It was worth it.

**Pleeeeeeease review! If you have any ideas for chapters I'd love to hear them! **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven – What To Do When You Smell Fried Chicken

**A/N: Don't own anything people!**

Follow the scent.

Mmmm... Fried chicken...

I love fried chicken.

So. Me, Molly, Fred, Kayla, Gorilla had escaped outside after two weeks – TWO WEEKS I say – of boredom, homework, detention, and rain.

And for those of you who are wondering why I brought my maniac owl with me... I have no idea.

He followed me out.

I couldn't be bothered to return him to the Owlery.

So...

"Ah, the great outdoors," Fred sighed, flinging his arms wide. "I have missed thee! I swear, I forgot how blue the sky is, the smell of grass..."  
"And fried chicken!" Kayla interrupted.

We blinked.

"Fried _chicken_?" I repeated.

We all sniffed the air.

Sure enough, the delicious smell of gorgeous chicken soaked in friend goodness was wafting towards us.

Isn't that a GOOD description?

I could be a writer.

"This way!" Molly yelled, streaking off. We chased after her.

Past the Whomping Willow.

Down, past the greenhouses.

Leaping over Hagrid's pumpkin patch.

Up, to the castle.

Past the Whomping Willow...

"We've been running in _circles_!" I moaned, throwing myself down onto the grass.

Which was wet.

Oops.

Molly's tracking skills are evidently not very good.

Meanwhile, Gorilla was hovering – as owls called Gorilla do – and hooting out a tune that sounded suspiciously like 'We're Going On A Bear Hunt'

Gorilla has issues.

Serious issues.

If there was an owl physiatrist, I would send him to it.

Sorry – got sidetracked.

Gorilla began to flap, heading towards the castle again.

"Do you reckon he's smelt the chicken?" Kay asked, helping me to my feet.

We watched my owl glide past the front doors.

Hmmmm...

"Worth a shot," Fred concluded.

We took off after Gorilla. We _are _an energetic lot aren't we?

Coming up past the castle, the strangest sight met our eyes.

"What on _earth_?" I asked.

**A/N: Ooo... Kinda cliffhanger! Please review! It wouldn't take much of your time – just a word would make me feel happy! **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight – What To Do When You Smell Fried Chicken PART TWO

**A/N: I don't own anything!**

_Coming up past the castle, the strangest sight met our eyes. _

"_What on earth?" I asked._

"It appears," Molly said, with the air of someone who knows EVERYTHING. "That _someone _has had a barbeque."  
"You don't fry chicken at a barbeque!" Kayla objected.

Well...

I do.

But I like fried chicken

Hehehe...

"The real question is – why is there a barbeque standing in the Hogwarts grounds?" Fred asked.

"No – it's WHERE IS THE FRIED CHICKEN COMING FROM!" I yelled.

What?

I wanted my fried chicken.

Kay paced around the barbeque.

"I think that we have a mystery on our hands!"  
"Not much of a mystery," I scoffed, hungrily.

Can you say something hungrily?

Well... I just did...

Gorilla sat on my head, peeping. I rolled my eyes upward – praying for relief from my friends who prefer mystery to fried chicken, and an owl who peeps.

That's when I saw it!

Nailed to the rooftop was a set of lawn furniture!

I have _really _good eyesight.

Which is how I saw up to the castle rooftop.

"Um... Guys," I said. "Look up there!"

They squinted.

"I SEE IT!" Fred declared.

Huh. Must be a genetic thing.

Molly and Kay were still squinting.

"There's GARDEN FURNITURE nailed to the ROOF!" Fred cried.

This was turning out to be quite an interesting mystery.

"This is turning out to be quite an interesting mystery," I said.

They all looked at me.

WHAT?

Seriously – what is strange about that sentence?

My cousins/friends are weird.

Like _REALLY _weird.

Gorilla was peeping again – this time it sounded like Hey Soul Sister – which is this _ancient _Muggle song by some band called Tram. Or was it Train? No... I think it's Tram...

Again – my owl has issues.

And there was this house elf staring at me wearing a tea cosy on its head.

Wait...

WHAT?

"Is it just me or is there a house elf standing next to us?" I asked, gingerly.

"HI!" The house elf squeaked. "I'M CHUCK! WHO ARE YOU MISTRESS?"

Typical.

I meet the only hyperactive house elf in THE WHOLE WORLD.

"I'm Dom," I said, nonchalantly.

Isn't that a great word?

Nonchalant...

Noooonchalant...

Nonchaaaaalant...

I'm done.

"MISTRESS DOM!" Chuck said, falling to his knees in front of me, and worshipping me.

I like this elf.

"Hey – Chuck – you don't happen to know why there's a barbeque standing in the middle of the Hogwarts grounds, do you?" Molly asked.

"COURSE!" Chuck yelled.

"Why?" Fred pressed.

"I PUT IT THERE! AND THE LAWN FURNITURE!"

...

Hands up if this elf is weird.

"Why?" Kay asked.

"'Cos I wanted to annoy my brother – Tiff."

"Well _that _I can relate to," I said.

I like annoying Vicky.

Louis likes annoying me.

Vicky gets annoyed with both of us.

We get along GREAT.

"I guess this mystery is cleared up then," I said, thinking at that moment what a very lame mystery it had been. "Now can someone give me some fried chicken?"

Chuck vanished, and reappeared a moment later with a platter LOADED with fried chicken.

I grabbed it.

"YUM! Thanks Chucky. Can I call you that?"

"Sure Mistress Dom," Chuck said.

Will you look at that? He didn't speak in CAPITAL LETTERS.

I ate my fried chicken in chickenish heaven.

I _love _fried chicken.

**Please review – and tell me what you think. Personally I don't really like that chapter... **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Ten - What To Do When Your Cousin Wants To Be A Rapper

**I am so sorry for the wait! But it's now half term! *has a mini party* so I'll try to post more. And, as usual, I don't own anything. **

Support them!

Well... Unless it's Albus. Then you should let them down gently. 'Cos – let's face it people – Albus will NEVER be a rapper.

I'll tell you the story.

"Dom!" Rose sounded panicky.

Again.

I looked up from where I was trying to get Gorilla to learn tap dancing. Trust me on this – it COULD happen.

"Yes Ro?"

"Hugo has... an _ambition_!"  
"NUUUUUUUU! Wait. What?" I was confused.

Surely an overprotective sister would want their brother to have a goal in life?

Apparently not.

"He wants to be a _rapper_!" Rose wailed.

"Cool!" I said, cheerily, and went back to teaching Gorilla tap dancing.

"DOMINIQUE!" Rose screeched,

I will always regret the day I told that girl my real name.

"What?"  
"Talk to him! He listens to you!"

Did I REALLThave to remind Rose of the last time I 'talked' to my cousins?

I ended up dying her HAIR!

"Fine." I sighed.

Run away! Revenge of the pushover...

I found Hugo curled up reading on the sofa.

The Granger – Weasleys take after their mum.

"Hey Hugo," I said. "Budge up!"  
"Hi Dom!" Hugo said, giving me a great bear hug that KNOCKED ME OVER.

He's strong for eleven years old.

And I'm his favourite cousin – joint with Lily and Lucy. WOOH!

"So you want to be a rapper, hey?"

"Yep!" Hugo said. He was wearing a cap on his head, backwards.

Stereotypical much.

"Will you be a good one?" I asked. Hugo shrugged.

"I guess," he said.

And proceeded to entertain me with his LATEST RAP called Weasley Says.

"Awwwwww," I said. "I mean –COOL! I am SO buying your album when you release it!"  
"So you think it's a good idea?" Hugo asked.

"It's as great an idea as pushing The Egg into the lake..."

In fact...

That _is _a good idea.

LIGHTBULB!

"So it's amazing?"  
"Absolutely!"

I returned to Rose, and tap dancing Gorilla.

Told you it would work.

"Well?" she said hopefully.

"Yeah – he's gonna be a rapper," I said cheerily.

Rose fainted.

Wow that girl is a drama queen.

**And that's it! I'd really appreciate reviews, and if you have any ideas that you think would make a good chapter please tell me! Thanks! **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten – What To Do When Your Cousin Gets A VERY Strange Pet

**I am really sorry for the wait. I don't own anything, except Gorilla... Although that might not be something to be proud of... **

When I say VERY strange... I mean SERIOUSLY strange. Like... The strangest strange stranger of strange. I mean the ultimate strangeness.

I give you three words. Pink, deformed, unicorns.

Lily Potter the second has adopted a pig.

Where do the pink deformed unicorns come into it you ask.

Well, I'm assuming you ask. If not... You've just gotten used to me... Is that a bad thing... Hmmm...

Sorry. Where was I... Oh yeah. Pigs. I guess I'll tell you how we found out she had adopted a pig.

"LILY LUNA POTTER!" Jamie and Ally (don't tell him I called him that) stood at the bottom of the girl's dormitory stairway roaring at the top of their voices.

"Go and see what's up Dom," Vicky asked.

"Nooo... I was talking to Teddy Loops," I wailed, referring – of course – to Teddy Lupin, honorary Weasley and currently sporting purple hair.

"Dom." Vicky said warningly.

I got up and moved very SLOOOOOOOOOOOWLY towards Jamie and Al.

Two things – firstly, I like annoying Vicky. Secondly – she SO wanted 'alone time' with her boyfriend.

Kinda bad 'alone time' though seeing how ALL my cousins were sitting nearby.

"Sup?" I asked my cousins, coming up to them.

"Lily isn't coming down and Professor Flitwick wants her," Albus explained.

I shrugged.

"I'll go get her."

I'm noticing now that it's ALWAYS me who gets involved in these things.

Hmmm... The Universe has it out for me.

I went upstairs to the first years dormitories.

"Lily?" I asked, going in.

There was no answer except a VERY SUSPICOUS snurfling sound. Actually, it was more like a snorfling sound, 'cos it was like a pig snorting and a badger snuffling.

See?

"HI DOM!" she said – very hyperly. Now this is abnormal...

Not the hyper bit. 'Cos Lily Potter is hyper.

A lot.

But Lily Potter standing in front of her bed with her arms wide and her robes still on in the evening is weird.

"What're you hiding?" I asked, trying to look past her.

"Nothing..." she said.

Liar, liar, pants on FIRE!

"Liar, liar, pants on FIRE!" I said.

"What?" she said, putting on this innocent face.

"What're you hiding?"

I tried sidestepping her, but being me, I fell over.

Smooooth...

"LILY!" I wailed. "Your brothers are down there waiting for you 'cos Flitwick wants you!"

"You go down first," she said.

"What're you hiding?"  
"A... Pink deformed unicorn!" she squealed.

Okaaaay...

So Lily rockets up in the weirdness charts.

"A pink. Deformed. _Unicorn?" _I repeated, incredulously.

"LILY!" James' voice came from downstairs.

"Please let me keep it Dom!" Lily said. "It's DEFORMED! You wouldn't want to destroy the life of a DEFORMED UNICORN would you?"

"Let me see this unicorn," I said.

Lily sighed, very reluctantly, and moved to one side.

"Lily Luna Potter. That is no pink deformed unicorn. It is a pig. A pink, very not deformed pig!" I said.

Lily sighed.

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice the pigginess of it..." she admitted.

"Where did you get a _pig _from?" I asked.

Lily shrugged.

"It was wandering around the grounds, looking hungry!"  
"Hmm..." I said, sceptically.

"Really!" she said.

"LILY LUNA POTTER!" Albus yelled from downstairs.

Lily ran out of the room.

I turned to the pig.

It snorted.

I look at the pig.

It looked away.

Hehe. A PIG IS SCARED OF ME...

Is that a good thing?

**Please review. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven – What To Do When A Mental House Elf Decides It Is Your Slave

**I don't own anything. Except Chuck. **

Run.

Very fast.

And as far away from the mental house elf as possible.

It all started on a dark, stormy day (actually it was really sunny, but dark and stormy sounds more SPOOKY) and I was going to HOGSMEADE with a big group of my friends.

So James, Fred, Kayla, Sophie, Lorcan, Lysander, Vicky, Ruth (Vicky's friend) and Teddy (Vicky's boyfriend and honorary cousin) and I were standing in the line that was edging forward VEEEERRRRYYYYY slowly so the caretaker – Grumbles – could tick us off the list.

Isn't Grumbles a really EPIC name? Especially as Grumbles is so grumbly.

Is that a word?

Grumbly...

It should be.

Let's write to the dictionary.

Sorry – getting sidetracked... Where was I?

Oh yeah.

We were standing in line, contemplating how amazing it would be to visit Hogsmeade for the first time EVER.

"It's really cool," Teddy said, shoving his hands in his pockets. His hair was blonde today – to match Vicky's. Aren't they so CUTE?

"Zonkos is amazing," Ly agreed.

Vicky looked at us – me, James and Fred – with a bit of anxiety in her eyes at the mention of Zonkos.

I better explain this. Zonkos is the joke shop – it's like Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, except less cool and orange.

Me, James and Fred – or as Fred INSISTS on calling us The Fantastic Four Minus One Pranksters.

See how lame a name that is?

See what I must put up with EVERY DAY?

Do you feel sorry for me?

I feel sorry for me.

ANYWAY...

The Fantastic Four Minus One Pranksters (TFFMOP) are – as the name suggests – PRANKSTERS. We like jokes.

And playing jokes on the Slytherins.

Like, one time, we put the Gryffindor house colours on their table and turned all the snakes on their robes pink.

Of course Teddy helped, and all our dads. EXCEPT Uncle Percy. Who thought it was 'disruptive' and told us off.

Which meant us pretending to be ashamed while he listed all the names of people who had been mean to Slytherins and... died or something equally nasty... While all the rest of the family rolled on the floor cheering us and in fits of laughter.

Anyway.

"And Honeydukes is gorgeous!" Vicky said, probably trying to distract us from the whole Zonkos thing.

"I wanna go to Honeydukes," James said, eagerly. "And Zonkos!"

A sugar high James with a bag full of practical jokes is a scary thing, and I was busy being scared by the scariness of this scary image when a house elf waddled up to me.

"MISTRESS DOOOOOOOM!" he yelled, so a lot of people looked at me. Well, it did sound like my name was Doom, not Dom.

Which would be very cruel of my parents.

"Um... Hi Random House Elf Who Has A Tea Cosy On His Head... Oh! Hi Chuck!"

"You know this elf?" Vicky asked, seriously.

"Kinda," I said. "It's a long story involving lawn furniture, brothers and FRIED CHICKEN!" 

Vicky rolled her eyes.

"Sup Chuck?" Fred asked.

"YOU SAVED MY LIFE MISTRESS DOM!" Chuck roared.

OK, seriously, can someone gag this elf?

Wait – when did I save the life of a house elf?

Oh, there was that elf who Lawrence Zabini threw into the Lake, and was about to be squished by the Giant Squid, when I accidentally threw The Egg's shoes at the Squid, and the elf was...

Basically, I've saved the life of an elf.

"No problem," I said, airily. "I didn't mean to – I was just throwing The Egg's shoes into the water, really."

"You SAVED my LIFE!" Chuck screamed.

"OK, OK!" I said, hurriedly. "What about it?"

Chuck got down onto his knees and bowed very low.

This can't bode well.

"I AM YOUR –"

Finally Grumbles had reached us.

"Tedy Luuuuuuuuuuuupin?" he droned.

"Yessir!" Teddy said, sounding like a soldier.

Teddy the Soldier.

It doesn't sound scary for some reason...

"Victoiiiiire Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasley?" Grumbles sighed.

"Yes," Victoire said, primly.

Chuck was now hanging onto my leg sobbing.

"Can someone get Chuck off me?" I asked. Kay and Soph tried to coax him off me.

"Come on Chuck," Kay said.

"Come on," Soph echoed.

"Lorcan ?" Grumbles snorted.

I shook my leg, and the elf clung on.

SERIOUSLY?

"Hey Chuck, if you get off Dom's leg we'll bring you some chocolate back from Hogsmeade?" Soph said, desperately.

Chuck hopped off my leg.

"What's your name Mistress?" he asked.

"Sophie..." Soph said, cautiously.

"I LOVE YOU MISTRESS SOPHIE!" Chuck yelled, and backed off – worshipping us from afar.

Well that was probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me...

**Please review and tell me what you think! Next chapter will be about what they get up to at Hogsmeade. **


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve – How to Have Fun In Hogsmeade

**I am so sorry for the wait. I had a complete mental block, literally, I could not think of anything. I don't own anything. The inspiration for this chapter comes from a question from ArianaGrande – and RamonaOne – FAN asking why Dom calls Scorpius The Egg. All shall be revealed...**

It's quite easy really – go with a bunch of friends, meet up with some other friends, do cool stuff, get hyper on Honeydukes sweets... That sort of thing.

HOWEVER.

If that was all I was going to say this story would be REALLY short and REALLY boring and everyone would be like... Bored...

Talk about stating the obvious. I shall tell you the whole story. Stare into the middle distance and I'll begin...

"Where shall we go first?" Sophie asked, putting a hand above her eyes to shield herself from the sun's angry glare.

"Can the sun be angry?" I said, pensively. I got strange looks.

"You are so weird Dommy," Fred said, ruffling my hair.

I gave him a Glare of Utter Doom and Destruction because I hate to be called Dommy. I mean seriously, am I two?

I don't think so...

NO. I'm not.

Anyways.

"How about Zonkos?" James said, an evil grin spreading across his face.

"I think not," Vicky said. "Honeydukes?"  
"Good idea," Ruth nodded.

"Oh hey Ruth," I waved at her. "How are you?"

Ruth gave me a strange look and Vicky practically wept into Teddy's shoulder.

I think she thinks her friends think I'm weird.

If that makes sense.

"I'm fine thanks Dom." You've got to give it to her – Ruth Pence is polite.

"Let's go, shall we?" Lor suggested, taking my arm and dragging me down the road. I distract myself and other people you see. Ly, Soph, Kay, Jamie and Freddy hurried to catch up leaving the RESPECTABLE members of our group to walk behind us at a DIGNIFIED pace.

"Hey Dom. Isn't that Gorilla?" Kay pointed up to a tree where a small peeping owl was perched, winking down at us with one eye.

"Oh no. I'm trying to train him to be nocturnal!" I whined.

"Dom – owls _are _nocturnal," Ly said.

"Not Gorilla," I said darkly, and held out my arm for him to flap down. Of course he landed on my head and I entered Hogsmeade with a small living hat on my head.

"Honeydukes is this way," Teddy said, coming to join us. We are so much more fun than Vicky and Ruth. Obviously.

We entered the warmness of Honeydukes and I spread my arms wide.

"This," I declared. "Is my new favourite place!"  
"Your mum is weeping. The home she made for you, discarded for a mere sweet shop," Ly teased. I elbowed him.

"Give me my drama and leave peasant!"

My friends exchanged seriously worried looks before Kay piped up with;

"She was reading Shakespeare last night."  
"Oooh! Which one?" Molly Weasley appeared at my elbow, her glasses askew, clutching a bag of Honeydukes sweets.

"Midsummer Night's Dream," I said, examining her eyes.

When Weasleys get hyper our pupils dilate. It's a well known fact.

"To be or not to be, that is the question," Lucy Weasley wriggled through the crowds, with Lily behind her.

"How's your pig?" Fred asked Lily. He's in awe of her because she has such a cool pet.

It was at this point Gorilla started jumping up and down on my head. I think he resented not being called a cool pet.

"Learn the waltz Gorilla, and I'll call you cool too," I promised.

Louis appeared.

What is it with my cousins and Honeydukes at the moment?

"I'll teach him!" he said. His pupils were dilated too.

"You know how to waltz?" Vicky asked. Kay, Soph, Lor and Ly wisely moved off to get some sweets. Leave strange cousins to deal with strange cousins.

"Uncle Neville taught me," Louis said, and began to waltz around the shop with Gorilla.

"Strange little dude," I said.

Al, Rosie, Hugo and... *cue spooky music* THE EGG entered the shop.

I swear – if any more people enter Honeydukes it'll explode in a huge explosion of yummy goodness.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Hugo yelled, throwing himself at me and hugging me tightly. Poor kid, he's been subjected to Rose's drama queen tendencies for long enough.

"Hey Hugo... WAIT A MINUTE..." I stopped. "I thought only third years were allowed to go to Hogsmeade."

"Chill Dom. Remember that tunnel Dad showed Uncle Harry?"  
"The humpbacked witch. Course I do."

"Well – since then, us Weasley-Potters have been coming to Hogsmeade for ages. Even you came once."

A wind whistled through the shop, bringing with it a chill and a scary remembrance.

"Don't remind me of that day Frederick Weasley!" I said.

"My name's not – "

"Ssssh, I'm being dramatic!"

I'll tell you the story. It's a thrilling tale.

When I was in my second year, Uncle Harry accidentally let slip about the humpbacked witch. So obviously, we had to try it. Fred, James and I went down it one Saturday when all the third years and above were heading off to Hogsmeade. We had great fun at Zonko's, and then... We went to see the Shrieking Shack.

As we leant against the aged posts (aren't I epic at description?) the Shack seemed to quiver and shake.

"GHOSTS!" James yelled and ran down the hill squealing like a girl.

I don't think James wants to be reminded of that day either...

Fred and I remained, looking curiously as a thing with white blonde hair, covered in a sticky goo crept up behind us. He attacked us, and I had only just managed to cover it in a net when Fred recognized it as Scorpius Malfoy, covered in egg. Why he was covered in egg was anyone's idea, but as he had made me use my wand for evil (OK, conjouring a net is hardly evil but I was a weird second year) I have called him The Egg ever since.

"When you're done staring into the middle distance," James had rapped me over the head.

"I will never be done staring into the middle distance," I said defiantly. "Now let's get some sweets!"

**Please review. **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Eleven – What To Do In Case of A Food Fight

**I am so sorry for the long wait. I will do my utter best to have another chapter posted as soon as possible.**

JOIN IN... duh... I mean, if a custard pie flies through the air towards you and hits your cousin in the face, you obviously throw something back at the attacker, right?

And yes, that did happen to me. And yes, I did get a letter from Dad saying 'My days at Hogwarts were never as rowdy as yours seem to be Dom.'

So basically, this is how it happened, in short CAPITLIZED version (cos I like capitals!) JAMES AND FRED ANNOYED SLYTHERINS (and what else is new?) AND THEN THE SLYTHERINS (who aren't that bright) THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO THROW FOOD AT THEM.

And thus the epic food fight was born.

"FOOOOOOD FIGHT!" James yelled, as Fred wiped custard from his face. Us Weasley-Potters exchanged JOYFUL looks and began chucking random bits of food at other people. I think I hit The Egg with a bit of chicken...

The Ravenclaws joined first, and the Hufflepuffs, after sitting there looking slightly confused, began to fight too.

"FOR ASLAN!" Lily shrieked, upending a trifle on a Ravenclaw's head. She has a thing for Muggle books.

"GO GO GRYFFINDOR!" Louis and Hugo were doing some weird dance whilst throwing potatoes at people.

"SLYTHERIN!" Markus Flint bellowed, aiming a sprout at Ellie Longbottom.

"RAVENCLAW!" the Scamander twins called, sending a jelly in my direction.

It hit me.

And I – Dominique Juliet Weasley – was covered in sticky red stuff.

"Thou shalt pay," I said in a low voice. For some reason. Because I felt like it. And I'm awesome.

And modest.

And getting sidetracked.

I crawled under the Gryffindor table (because it was the easiest way round), got hit in the face by an egg – courtesy of Sophie Moore. _Thank _you _friend, _and scurried like a curry (don't ask) to the Ravenclaw table, climbed up onto the table, and yelled across to Lysander and Lorcan, because I couldn't be bothered to walk the two inches towards them.

"YOU SHALL PAY!"

"Lovely Dom!" they chorused calmly.

I gave them a Glare of Utter Doom and Destruction.

They grinned.

"Eeeeeviiiil," I said, ducking as the contents of the Hufflepuff salad bowl flew over my head.

"Sure," Lysander smirked.

"If you say so," Lorcan laughed.

I gave them another Glare.

"I SHALL WREAK MY REVENGE!" I said, and vanished in a puff of black smoke.

Not really, but it would be cool if I had...

No, I really walked quite calmly back to my table and fought Kay.

It was fun!

**PLEASE READ: I was thinking of doing a chapter in this from another character's point of view. Please review and tell me what you think of this idea (and this chapter :D) and if you think it's a good idea, could you suggest some people I could do it with? Thanks, and once more - apologises for the lateness of this chapter. **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen – What To Do When Your Cousin Hurts Herself

**Firstly, I want to apologise for the **_**extremely **_**late update. I have no excuse, except exams. :/ But the plot bunnies have returned, so hopefully I'll be updating more regularly now. Also, thank you to everyone who's reviewed or added this to their story alerts or whatever – it all means a lot. As usual, I own zilch. On with the show!**

What to do when your cousin hurts herself...

Well – a good start would be to do the complete _opposite _of what we did.

Let me set the scene. I was calmly sitting in my chair, being calm, when a small, redhead whirlwind whirled through the portrait hole, shouting;  
"VICTOIRE! DOM! LOUIS! FRED! ROXI! ROSE! HUGO! JAMES! AL! LILY! TEDDY!"

Those of us who were actually in the common room stood up.  
"What's up Molly?" Jay-Jay asked. Jay-Jay is my new names for James. When did I decide to call him that, I hear you ask. Just now, you hear me reply.  
"LUCY'S HURT!" Molly screeched.

Dun dun dun!

Yes, that was slightly inappropriate. I'm sorry.

"How badly hurt?" Victoire said, shrewdly – because our family is known for overreacting. Once, Fred got a _teensy weensy _little paper-cut and screeched so loudly everyone thought he was dying.  
"She fell down the stairs and bumped her head!" Molly told us.  
"OK." Victoire was already marching down, out of the common room. We all ran to catch up, and Molly led the way to where Lucy was – sitting on the bottom step with a nasty bruise on her forehead.

Victoire knelt down beside her.  
"Are you feeling alright?" she asked, gently.  
"Well –" Lucy began, but Rose interrupted her by screaming.  
"OH LUCY! DO YOU HAVE CONCUSSION? ARE YOU IN A COMA? ARE YOU DEAD?"

We all stared at her.

"Yes Rose," Fred said, his voice killingly sarcastic. "Lucy's dead, which is how she's able to sit up and talk."  
"Oh my!" Rose said, before fainting dead away into James' arms. He looked disgusted, and passed her to Hugo, who buckled under her weight – so there were two Granger-Weasley's lying in the middle of the corridor.

Again.

Yes – this has happened before.

Don't ask when.

It's a very long and complex (and slightly disturbing) story.

Anyway.

"Anyway!" Victoire said, loudly. "How are you feeling Lucy? Can you stand up?"  
"Well –" Lucy began, before there was the sound of running footsteps and Roxi and Lily ran up.  
"?" Lily panicked.

It took me a moment to untangle the words.

"Seriously, Lily – what is it with people thinking Luce is dead? Would she be able to sit up and talk if she was?" I asked. "Calm down. Lucy – what were you going to say?"  
"I was going to –" Lucy started to say, and (yes, there was _another _interruption).

"What's going on here?" Teddy asked, striding towards us. Victoire went red faster than James eats a carrot – which is pretty fast.  
"Many things Teddy Loops. Many things," I said, mystically. He gave me an Odd Look, and I shrugged.  
"Lucy's hurt herself. She fell down the stairs." Molly explained.  
"How are you feeling, Lucy?" Teddy asked, kneeling down beside her.

Lucy glared at us all – warning us not to interrupt her this time.  
"I'm –"  
"What's going on here?" Lawrence Zabini sneered, sauntering towards us with Markus Flint and Primrose Parkinson leering behind him.  
"None of your business, Zabini," James spat.

Zabini turned an ugly shade of ugly. Yes – that is possible.  
"Watch your mouth, Potter, or you'll find yourself without one."  
"Oooh, look at the big boys being threatening. I'm _so _scared!" Fred said, coming over to stand by James and glower at the Slytherins.  
"Fred, James," Teddy said, warningly from behind us. 

Fred and James gave one last, dark look at the Slytherins, and turned their backs. I grinned at them. Cos I'm a good cousin. And I have the award to prove it.  
"Go on Lucy," Victoire coaxed. Poor Lucy didn't even get a chance to start this time, because Markus rammed into James as he passed him, and James whipped around, hand curled into a fist, but they were leaving.  
"COWARDS!" he yelled after the retreating backs. They stiffened, and turned in slow motion.

I rolled my eyes.

Slytherins can be so clichéd.

"Say that again, Potter, and I'll break your face," Lawrence snarled.  
"I don't think that's possible, Larry," I said, cheerily.  
"Shut it, Blondie," Primrose piped up.  
"YAAAARGH!" Fred yelled, charging at them.

What does he think he is? A pirate? I mean, it's nice that he's defending my honour and all, but... YAAAARGH! Seriously?

Anyway, as soon as Fred had thrown himself into the battle, James did as well. So then I was battling Primrose, and Hugo was helping me, and Lily was trying to help James, but kinda failing, and Roxi was on Lawrence's back, pulling his hair, and Rose chose this time to regain consciousness (yes, she had been lying on the floor during this) and fainted dead away again.

And Lucy quietly got up, and with Victoire and Teddy, went off to the Hospital Wing.

**Please review? **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen – What To Do On Your Birthday

**Much thanks to everyone who reviews this – every one of them make my day! Thanks to Girlbubble, who gave me an idea for this chapter. Er... Yes. Also – Dom's birthday isn't **_**actually **_**on June 18****th****, I started writing this on June 18****th**** and... Yes, I'm a slow writer. I own nothing you recognize. **

Yes my friends, you read it right – it is June 18th and it is my birthday!

I was woken up in the wee hours (funny term that, isn't it? Wee hours. Wee hours. Hehe.) Yes, anyway – I was woken up in the wee hours by Kayla and Sophie jumping on my bed and shouting incomprehensively.

I learnt later they were wishing me a happy birthday.

Why they felt the need to do that at five a.m. I will never know.

Anyway...

"DOMMY!" Kay shrieked, as I blinked open my eyes.  
"Dom. It's _Dom._" I told her. "_D-O-M. _Not Dommy, Doom or any other variation you care to come up with. Except Rabbit. Rabbit's OK. I like rabbits."

Sophie looked a little freaked out by this (well what did she expect waking me up in the WEE HOURS ALREADY!) but Kay took it in stride.  
"Yes, well, Dom – IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!"  
"YOU'VE JOINED THE LAND OF FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS!" Sophie agreed, an octave higher than normal people can reach.

They leapt off my bed and began to do a crazy dance around my room.

I wonder if someone gave them chocolate frogs...

One of the other girls in the dorm threw a pillow at them, and they fell quiet as I cackled evilly.

My sanity takes my birthday off. It goes AWOL. I think it goes to Spain, because it comes back with a tan.

But that's beside the point.

Sophie threw the pillow back, and thus my morning began with a pillow fight, as all good mornings do.

I left the dormitory a bit later (OK, much later if you want to be pernickety) with feathers in my hair, and almost immediately I was greeted by my owl.

My strange, strange owl.

Who was peeping 'Happy Birthday' at me.

At least, I _think _it was Happy Birthday. It tapered off into 'I Gotta Feeling somewhere near the end.

Don't ask.

Anyway, after being greeted by my strange owl, I was greeted by my siblings.

"DOM!" Louis yelled, vaulting over an armchair and hugging me tightly.  
"Can't – breathe!" I gasped.  
"Let her go, Lou," Victoire said, smiling brightly at me. "Happy birthday Dom!"  
"Merci," I said – with my awesome French skills.

Louis handed me a wrapped parcel and a card.  
"Open the card first!" he ordered. I did so.

"Dear Dom, I hope you have a very good birthday. Lots of love, Louis (your brother, not the guy in Ravenclaw)." I read. "Aw, thanks Louis!"  
"Now open the present. Open! Open! Open sesame!" he squeaked.

Again, I obeyed.

He'd got me a copy of 'The Gemini Chronicles' which is a book about twins who go to a school like Hogwarts. It's very good.

Vicky had given me a beautifully written letter (she knows calligraphy) and a pretty quill.

Then we all went down to breakfast.

Well, we tried – it's hard when you keep running into your cousins.

"DOM! HAPPY B-DAY!" Hugo yelled, charging towards me and nearly knocking me over. "I GOT YOU A PRESENT! ROSE HAS GOT OUR CARD!"

He'd got me socks, Rose – who wandered up a few minutes later – had gotten me a book of the stars (I like stars. Stars and rabbits.)

By the time I actually got down to the breakfast hall, I had received a beret and a baguette from Fred, who had decided long ago that for my every birthday he'd get me something French, a bracelet from Roxi, a snow globe of Diagon Alley from Molly, a toy owl that looked remarkably like Gorilla from Lily and a (really big) box of chocolate frogs from Lucy.  
"Thanks!" I said, again, as Al slid a mug shaped parcel towards me.

Chuck made a return, handing me a cake.

"Aww! Thanks Chuck!" I grinned. "It looks lovely!"  
"We'll use it for your SBP!" Kay said, cryptically.  
"My Surprise Birthday Party?" I guessed. Correctly. I could be such an amazing detective.

"Darn," Kay glared at the opposite wall.  
"If it helps, I've known about it since April?" I said, helpfully.

Or not, because then they all looked dejected.

Well it's not my fault they're bad at keeping secrets.

_Very bad._

Our first lesson that morning was Charms, then Transfiguration. During lunch I met The Egg, strutting down the corridor.

"Good morning Dominique," he said.

I checked my watch.

"Afternoon, Scorpius."  
"I heard it was your birthday?"  
"You heard correctly."

He walked off.

I glowered after him, and then skipped down to lunch, humming loudly.

After lunch I had Care of Magical Creatures with Professor Hagrid (that guy rocks!) He gave me a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans, and I split them with my family and friends and a random Hufflepuff who was hanging round.

We were sitting in a circle, sharing the Beans – yes, the Hufflepuff was still there – when Sophie ran up, her face flushed.

"People! Code Blue! Code Blue!" she shrieked.  
"What's a Code Blue?" I asked, confused – which is strange because THE DOMMEISTER IS NEVER CONFUSED.

Yes, I did just call myself the Dommeister...

How about we pretend the last few seconds of our lives never happened, eh?

Good.

Now, where was I?

Oh yeah. Code Blue.

"No! Someone's stolen Dom's cake!" Lily yelled.  
"Don't fake surprise, Lils, we all know it was your pig." James glowered.  
"You still have that?" Molly asked.  
"Yes I do, and no it wasn't!" Lily snarled.  
"Easy there, Lils. I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation for this," Teddy said, in his easy way – taking a Bean from the box, throwing it up and catching it in his mouth. "Mmm, strawberry milkshake."

"But Dom's ca-a-a-ke!" Rose wailed, fanning herself.  
"What's a birthday party without cake?" Hugo agreed, throwing a Bean at Teddy.  
"Geez guys, stop being so superficial! A birthday is a time to celebrate the life of the person, and remember how lucky we are to know them! Three cheers for Dom! Hip hip –"  
"I know who took your cake," said the Random Hufflepuff.

We all turned to look at her.

"Who?" Al asked.  
"Scorpius Malfoy," said the Random Hufflepuff.

"Of course!" Louis said, snapping his fingers.  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiil!" Roxi said.  
"I can't believe Scorp would do something like that," Rose complained.  
"I can," everyone else (minus Al) chorused.

"We'll go get your cake Dom, you go find the Scamanders." James said, getting up and pulling Kay to her feet as well.  
"Alright!" I said, happily, before skipping off to find them.

They were in the library, identical heads bent over different books, one of them writing illegibly and the other tapping his pen against the desk.  
"Hey Lor, Ly!" I announced, quietly, sitting down opposite them.

ONLY I CAN TELL THEM APART!

MUAHAHAHA.

Yes, anyhoo.

"Hi Dom!" Lysander said (he was the one not doing work). "Happy birthday! We got you something... Lor has it."  
"No I don't – you do!" Lorcan snapped, before grinning at me. "Hey Dom! Happy birthday!"  
"No I don't – you do!" Lysander glared.  
"It doesn't matter, my peeps!" I said. "How urgent is that work?"  
"Meh," Lysander said.  
"It's due in for tomorrow," Lorcan said.

Ah my lovely identical and yet so different twins.

Well, they're not my twins. They're... Oh you know what I mean.

"But I guess I can put it off," Lorcan beamed.  
"And I just won't do it!" Lysander said, happily, pushing his textbook into his bag. "Your SBP?"  
"Indeedio hopscotch," I said, getting up.  
"Where is it?"  
"I have no clue."

Which is why we were half an hour late for my party – wandering around Hogwarts, until Lorcan had the bright idea that _maybe _it was in the Gryffindor common room, and, after berating ourselves for not looking there first, we ran up there.

Yes – the cake was there, in pride of place, and James and Kay recounted to me how they had found The Egg, and stolen back the cake, and then placed him under citizen's arrest (why Aunt Hermione ever told them about that I will never know).

But anyway, it made me laugh, because I'm a lovely person.

**So that's it – please review? **


	16. Chapter 16

**PLEASE READ THIS! So... It's the end of the school year, and that gave me an idea for this. I've really enjoyed writing this story, but this chapter will bring the school year to a close. HOWEVER! I don't particularly feel the need to stop writing this, so I'd like to ask people's opinions of me writing more chapters about the summer? Also – Has anyone seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2? In case anyone hasn't, I won't say anything, but SQUEEEE! It was totally amazing. Anyway, on with the show!**

Chapter Sixteen – What To Do When Stuck On A Train With Mad People

Tip One: Don't get stuck in between Fred and Rose.  
Tip Two:

Allow me to set the scene for you.

In the window seat on the left hand side sat Teddy, his hair his favourite shade of bright blue, talking to my sister (Victoire, if you've forgotten) who sat opposite him. Next to Teddy sat Hugo, who was reading _The Adventures of Martin Miggs, The Mad Muggle_. Lucy was asleep beside him, and Molly (like the supportive sister she is) and Lily were drawing on her face. Next to Lucy was Louis, who was sifting through Chocolate Frog cards, looking for something to swap with James, who lounged in the seat next to Vicky. Next to James sat Albus, who was talking to Rose, and next to Rose sat the most Awesome Person Ever (also known as Dom Weasley). Then there was Fred, and next to Fred sat Roxi, her feet up on her brother's legs.

"I'm bored," Fred announced suddenly.  
"You're always bored," Roxi retorted.  
"Your face is bored," Fred snapped.  
"Fred, dude, I cannot _believe _you made a 'your face' joke." James sat up abruptly, looking horrified at his friend. Fred had the good grace to look abashed.  
"I have three Dumbledores? Louis said, holding up a card.  
"Eh. I have hundreds of them at home," James said. "Keep searching, Little Cousin."

"Anyone up for a game of Exploding Snap?" Teddy asked, looking up from Victoire, and pulling a pack of cards out from his pocket.  
"Yeah!" I said, enthusiastically. I was the only one who did. "Oh come on people! Live a little! There are lives out there to live! Go my cousins – to the land of the living, where there are roses and bunny rabbits who hop around on pogo sticks!"  
"Inspirational." Fred said, drily.  
"And how does playing a game of Exploding Snap enrich our lives?" Hugo asked, appearing from behind his comic book.  
"It just does."

Yes, I know. My amazing comebacks astound even me.

"Exploding Snap spans the range of human emotions," Lily said, joining my cause.  
"Er..." Albus said.  
"Yes! Patience, as you don't win. Anger, as the cards EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE –" she began, a little louder than necessary, and making Molly (crouching next to her) jump. "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat –"  
"Yes, thank you Lily, for that display of just _how _messed up you are." James interrupted her.  
"You offend me, brother."

"I can't believe this is my last time _ever _on the Hogwarts Express..." Teddy said absently, looking out the window.  
"We'll miss you Tedster," Hugo said, seriously.  
"Yeah, we'll all miss you _loads _Especially Victoire," Roxi said, mischievously, and Victoire went slightly pink.

The carriage lapsed back into...

Well, I was going to say silence, but then I laughed hysterically for a few moments, went to get a sandwich, and then came back to say that that was stupid because I don't think my family knows what silence means.

I'll prove it.

"Jimmy," I said. "What does silence mean?"  
"Silence? I don't understand your strange word, _silence_."

See?

Loud and Crazy.

That's us.

"When's the family dinner-y thingymagig?" Molly asked.  
"Sunday," Rose said, promptly. "Chocolate frog, anyone?"

"OK! I'll swap you Aunt Hermione _and _Dumbledore for Wendolin the Weird," Louis said, biting the head off his frog.  
"Mmm... OK, deal," James said, and withdrew a card from his pocket, swapping it with Louis.  
"Teddy Loops," I said.

He didn't hear me, so I took some parchment off of Rose's lap (she'd begun to do her homework), scrunched it into a ball and chucked it at his head.  
"OI TEDDY!"  
"Sorry Dom, what?"  
"What are you going to do now you've left Hogwarts?"  
"Are you going to become a Man-Hunter, like in this edition of Martin Miggs?" Hugo asked, eagerly.

Teddy looked slightly weirded out.  
"Why would he hunt down his own kind?" Lily asked, standing up and stretching. "That's just freaky."  
"It's what Aurors do, isn't it?" Albus pointed out.  
"Yeah, but they do it for the law."  
"I'm not becoming a Man-Hunter, guys," Teddy promised, grinning. "Actually, I was thinking of being a teacher. Like Dad."

Albus and Lily, who had been squabbling between themselves, fell silent. Victoire saved the situation, like the born diplomat she is, by saying;  
"But Teddy, couldn't you come and work at Hogwarts then?"

Teddy grinned, but said nothing.

...

I was bored.

Luckily, I didn't have to jump on the seats and start singing (yes, that _is _my solution for moments I'm bored) because the carriage door slid open to reveal...

A white blonde weirdy.

"Hello Rose, Al," he said, nodding civilly to my cousins, and ignoring the rest of us.  
"Hello Scorp," they chorused.  
"Hello Malfoy. What are you doing here?" Fred glowered.  
"I came to say goodbye to my _friends_, and wish them a good summer, Weasley," Scorpius said, coldly.  
"Well do it on your own time," Fred snapped.  
"Fred!" Rose snarled. "Don't be mean. Come on Scorp."

She stood up, and left, in a dignified manner. Albus followed, except he tripped over his shoelace, and fell into the corridor, to roars of laughter from his very kind and considerate siblings.  
"Sometimes I wonder whether we should come back to school," Hugo said, randomly, once James and Lily's laughter had subsided into weak giggles.  
"Well of course we should! How do you expect to become good witches and wizards without O. and N.E.?" Molly said, in an uncanny imitation of Rose.  
"Good point, Molly," Victoire agreed.  
"You win at life." James said, sarcastically.

But Molly – who sarcasm bounces off like she has a magic anti sarcasm shield... Actually, maybe she _does. _I shall look into this. Anyway, Molly giggled hyperly and fell off her chair.

I began making little paper pellets to flick at her, just in case.

"You OK, Dom?" Teddy asked. "You've been awfully quiet this journey."  
"That's true. Are you feeling ill?" Fred said, putting his hand to my forehead.  
"SHE'S PLOTTING OUR DOWNFALL! RUUUUN!" James shrieked, and fled the carriage.

Crickets chirped.

The train drew up at the station.

I found Kay and Sophie on the platform, and hugged them goodbye.  
"Have a good summer!"  
"Write loads!" Sophie said.  
"I will. See you!"

Then I crashed into the Scamander twins, who pulled me up (yes, I fell – they're TALL!), hugged me and said;  
"May the Fribbles be with you."  
"What are Fribbles?" I asked, but they'd already wandered off.

"DOM!" a voice called, and I turned to see my parents hurrying towards me. Grinning, I dropped my bags and ran to meet them.

"MAMAN! DAD!" I shrieked happily.

What are you all looking at me for? I didn't scream so loud simply because Malfoy was standing right beside me.

It was an accident.

Sort of...

"Ah, Cherie, we have missed you so _much_!" Maman beamed, hugging me tightly, before turning to Louis who had appeared, and kissing him on the cheeks.  
"Good year, Dom?" Dad asked, slinging an arm across my shoulders and giving me a one armed hug.  
"Yeah," I grinned up at him. "It was OK."

"DOM! See you soon, OK?" James had appeared at my side.  
"Yep!" I beamed back. "Have a good summer. Hi Uncle Harry, Aunty Ginny!"

Harry and Ginny both waved, from where they were standing *cough*hiding*cough* a little away from the crowds of people who shunted past, ogling them.

And then my trunk had been put on a trolley, and Gorilla was peeping the Hogwarts School Song, and we were on King's Cross station, standing between platforms 9 and 10.

I saw Uncle Percy and Aunt Audrey going past, with Molly running beside them, chatting merrily, and Lucy sitting atop the trunks, a slightly lopsided moustache drawn in ink above her mouth.

"Dad..." I said, suddenly, hurrying to catch up with him. "What are Fribbles?"

**I would like to thank everyone who's reviewed/favourited/alerted this story – it means so much! **

**Girlbubble9119: Thank you very much :D**

**Depthofeyes – Awesome name! Thanks! I thought I'd try something different... **

**RamonaOne – FAN – Thanks so much! Er... Well, I most definitely didn't think about that, but – what do you guys think? **

**Do you want Dom and The Egg to get together...? Please answer in a review! And, once again, should I write something about the summer? **


	17. Chapter 17

**I actually wrote this yesterday, but my internet went weird, and it wouldn't let me publish it. So – practically everyone who reviewed (thank you if you did!) said Dorpius? was a good idea. So there is a little bit of it in here, and there'll be more in the next few chapters. I own nothing, except Gorilla. **

Chapter Seventeen – How to Have Fun At Your Uncle's Birthday Party

It's quite easy really. If you like your cousins, that is. If you don't, you're MORE STUFFED THAN A STUFFED PENGUIN IN A TOYSHOP!

Er... Yes. Let's pretend that never happened shall we?

"DOM! WE'RE LEA-VING!" Maman screamed up the stairs.  
"COOOOOMIIIIIIING!" I called back, shut my book, and hopped downstairs.

(Hopping is a MUST if you want to have fun. Not enough people do hopping these days. It's a wrong we must as a world right.)

When I got downstairs, I found my family assembled. Maman was (as usual) the only one fully ready. Victoire was brushing her hair in front of the mirror, despite the fact it was already perfect, Dad was doing up Louis shoelaces - it's a sore spot with Louis that he can't do up his shoelaces without magic – and Gorilla was sitting on the door handle, peeping Here Comes The Sun.

I gave him an odd look, as I sat down next to Louis to put my shoes on.

"We're apparating to the Potters' place," Dad said. "You and Louis will be coming with me."  
"I _hate _apparating," Louis said, putting on his best 'puppy in the rain' expression.

Which is really good.

But my Dad has a cold heart – a heart of ICE – and he simply grinned, and ruffled Louis' hair, before going to the door.  
"Dom, get Gorilla off the handle," he said, withdrawing his hand immediately.

He once got a nasty bite from Gorilla, who doesn't like being touched by anyone except me.  
"Here, Gorilla," I said, holding out my arm. He flapped his wings, and soared (as well as a slightly chubby, fluffy owl can soar) over to me.

"Now, _stay here_," I commanded, putting him on the step. He blinked at me, and fluttered up the stairs.  
"Good boy," I said, before following my father and brother outside.

I grabbed Dad's hand, and we turned on the spot. It felt like we were being sucked through a tube, and I closed my eyes against the sensation, grinning as I thought of Vicky's face when she landed, and realised her hair had been messed up by the ride.

And then my feet hit solid ground, and I stumbled forward. Someone righted me, and I opened my eyes, to see...

THE EGG.

Dun dun dun.

(This is when the audience boos).

He smirked at me, and I glowered.  
"Thank you," I muttered.

Stupid manners.

Stupid Egg.

I wondered if his parents would miss him if I fed him to some ninja sharks.

"Dom!" James and Fred had pushed Scorpius out of the way and hugged me.  
"It's been so long!" Fred said, dramatically.  
"I think I'd begun to forget what she looked like!" James agreed. I rolled my eyes.  
"It's only been a week. You guys are so normal."  
"You can talk."  
"Yes I can. I am the QUEEN OF NORMAL!"  
"Obviously," Fred said.  
"Why is The Egg here?" I asked, as they 'escorted' (which, to normal people, would mean frogmarched) me into the garden.

Candles were hovering all around the perimeter *fancy word alert!* of the garden, which was absolutely MASSIVE.

"Dunno." Fred said, looking to James.  
"Al invited him," James said, glaring in the general direction of his younger brother – who was standing some few feet away from us, getting his cheek pinched by Great Auntie Muriel.

She's actually our _great-great _Auntie Muriel, but she doesn't like to be called that. She says it makes her feel old.

She is old.

She's like... Six hundred.

Give or take a few years.

"I'm going to go say happy birthday to Uncle Harry," I announced, as the old woman turned, and began picking her way towards us. I escaped, and James and Fred glowered at me, as Auntie Muriel screeched –  
"Why hello boys! James and Fred, isn't it? You Weasleys breed like rabbits.  
"You're a Weasley too," James said, angrily. 

As tempting as it was to listen to their conversation *coughonesidedargumentcough* I made my way over to Uncle Harry.  
"Hi Uncle Harry!"  
"Hey Dom," Harry smiled at me.  
"Happy birthday!"  
"Thanks love. Uh oh... Sorry, going to have to – LILY POTTER!"

He practically sprinted off in the direction of the house.

He must have some sort of radar that tells him when Lily's in trouble, cos I couldn't see anything...

Oh, except the redhead climbing out of her second storey bedroom window.

With a pig on her back.

Wrapped in a blanket.

It puts a whole new spin on pigs in a blanket, does it not?

I watched as Harry appeared, and yanked his daughter back through the window. Luckily, Ginny Potter hadn't seen – or there would have been a lot more yelling going down.

I saw Teddy, and went over to him.  
"Hi Teddy Loops."  
"Wotcher Blondie. What was Lily doing?"  
"I don't know."  
"Oh, I thought you might. You guys are never part of a one man operation, you see."  
"Well that's true," I said. "Nice hair, by the way."

He winked. Teddy's a metamorphmagus like his mum was, and he'd changed his hair to be exactly like Uncle Harry's for the party.

"Oh Merlin, _Muriel,_" Teddy winced, and he disappeared between two people who may or may not be related to me so fast I thought he might have disapprated. I turned around, but before I could flee, Auntie Muriel's clawed hand was on my shoulder.

"Which one are you?" she demanded.  
"Dom."  
"Dominique, eh? The veela's girl?"  
"Yes," I said, wondering how I could make a quick escape.

"Your sister's better looking."

_Gee, thanks(!) _

"I know," I said, attempting to duck out from under her arm.  
"But still. You're all French."

_Racist, much?_

"Yes," I said. "Half French."  
"Pity," Muriel said.

I disliked her more and more by the second. Which is quite a feat seeing how much I already dislike her.

"Um..." I said. "I'm gonna go –"  
"Clever?"  
"Pardon?"  
"Are you _clever _girl?"  
"Kinda... I think..."

Muriel pulled a face.

"Vain as well. They're all the same, these veela."  
"Excuse me, ma'am. Can I borrow Dom for a second?"

A voice to my left made me look around to see who my saviour was.

Oh Merlin.

What do you have against me?

"Who are you?" Muriel demanded, squinting at The Egg.  
"Scorpius Malfoy, ma'am."  
"Malfoy, eh? Alright, Dominique, you can go."

_Thank Merlin!_

"You're welcome," The Egg said dryly, as he escorted me (and this time I don't mean frogmarched) away.  
"Yeah. Thanks."  
"You looked like you wanted to punch her, so I thought I'd help."  
"Yeah. Thanks."

There was a pause.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I asked, at the same time as he said.  
"I was wondering... ifyou'dliketogooutwithmesometime?"

_OK... What?_

"Sure," I heard myself saying.

_Ok... WHAT?_

"Cool," he said, steadily blushing more and more by the second. I think he might be a Weasley, cos it wasn't a good look. Actually, I hope he isn't a Weasley, cos then this whole situation would be incest-y. "Um... Maybe... Next Saturday?"  
"OK," I heard myself say. Again.

_Mouth. This is Brain. STOP TALKING._

"Um... Maybe we could go to a cinema?"  
"A whaty-ma?"  
"It's this Muggle thing... They show moving pictures on film..."  
"Oh, I remember them from Muggle studies," I said, appreciating that he was trying to prove how un-Malfoy-ish he was.  
"Cool," he said, again. "Um... So..."  
"I'll get my Da-Maman to drop me off," I said. "Where d'you live again?"  
"Malfoy Manor," he said.  
"Cool," I said, then mentally slapped myself.  
"Cool," he agreed, and we both backed away.

_OK... WHAT ON EARTH JUST HAPPENED?_

**Please review? **


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen – How To Go On A Date With Scorpius Malfoy 

**Sorry for the wait :/ I went to visit my grandparents, and we didn't have any internet connection, but you didn't need to know that. So, as normal I own absolutely nothing except Gorilla.**

Maman had offered to apparate me straight to the cinema, which I was grateful for due to several reasons.

Number One – When Dad had heard I was going out with The Egg, he frowned, and then offered to take me there, with a very evil glint in his eye.

Number Two – I would like to never meet The Egg's parents, because they sound horrible, even though they have _apparently _changed.

Number Three – Er... No, there is no Number Three.

So anyway, I was standing outside a cinema, feeling slightly dizzy, with Maman telling me she'd pick me up at eight.

"Dandy," I said. "Dandy Warhol."  
"What?" Maman looked confused.  
"Dandy Warhol. Like... _Andy _Warhol. The Muggle artist?"

Maman gave a tinkling laugh, though it was painfully obvious she had no clue what I was on about.

"Oh, here he comes! I'll go. Au revior, ma cherie!"  
"Bye," I said, as she looked around furtively, and vanished.

Scorpius appeared at my shoulder.  
"Hi," he said, shyly. "You look nice."  
"Thanks. Um. So do you."

"So... What film are we seeing...?" I asked, when the silence had stretched between us and was getting increasingly awkward. Scorpius looked immensely relieved, and we went in, discussing it.

"D'you want any popcorn?" he asked, when we'd taken the escalator (is that what it's called?) up to the second floor.  
"Um... Sure," I replied.

Scorpius went off to get some, and I sat down in a chair. Way to state the obvious. Way to keep on talking to myself. This isn't helping the situation. Quick! Analysis!

I am in a cinema with Scorpius Malfoy. ON A DATE!

I was saved from a complete mental breakdown by Scorpius' return. Well that's one sentence I never thought I'd say.  
"Shall we go in? The film starts in a few minutes."  
"Oh. Yeah, sure," I said.

I wish I could Apparate. And successfully perform the memory charm. Then I would modify The Egg's memory so he never asked me out, and disappear, and this whole situation would be so much less awkward.

We sat down in these very comfy seats, and Scorpius put the popcorn in-between us.

"So..." he said.  
"What's your favourite colour?" I asked, randomly.  
"Green," he grinned. "Yours?"  
"Red, duh," I said.

(Oh my God, I'm joking with Scorpius Malfoy. ALERT THE PRESS! ASSEMBLE THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! SAVE THE DOLPHINS!)

"Gryffindor."  
"Slytherin."

We both laughed.

"OK... What's your favourite food?"  
"Fried chicken," I said, immediately. "You don't get any better."  
"I _love _fried chicken!" Scorpius said, eyes widening.  
"You have good taste," I said, approvingly. "What's your... Favourite drink?"  
"Um... Butterbeer. You?"  
"Pumpkin juice."  
"Good one."

Our conversation was now being held in whispers, because the adverts had started.

"Favourite class?" Scorpius murmured.  
"Um..." I frowned. "Trans... No. Charms. Or DADA. Or Care of Magical Creatures."  
"You're decisive," Scorpius smirked. "Mine'd be Potions."

There was a slight commotion from below as some latecomers crept in to the cinema, and sat down in the row behind us. We fell silent then. For a bit anyway. Scorpius leant over, and whispered;

"D'you still call me The Egg?"  
"Yes," I whispered back, smiling. He stared at me, and I thought I'd insulted him.

Wait. Why do I care? We're arch enemies. Remember? Arch enemies who happen to be on a date.

"You have really nice eyes," he muttered.  
"Thanks," I said, feeling myself going pink.

Stupid Weasley genes.

Wait... Hold the horses... He's leaning in. Eep! OK, keep calm – NO! What are you doing? You're not supposed to lean in too. DO NOT KISS HIM. IF YOU KISS HIM I WILL HURT YOU... I will hurt me...? I'm so confused.

"Lovely evening, isn't it?" a voice yelled from behind us, and a pair of feet stretched into the space between us. We both looked up (and I was NOT feeling disappointed, what are you ON about, you ma flobberworm?) and saw...

Wait for it.

Wait.

Wait.

Waaaaaait.

Most of my cousins and Louis sitting in the row directly behind us, beaming innocently at us.

"What a surprise seeing you two here!" James said, false cheerily. "Did you just happen to meet in the atrium and fancy seeing a movie together?"

Either side of him, Fred and Louis raised their eyebrows.

"What a surprise seeing _you... _eight here!" I said, mock brightly. "Did you just happen to meet in the very same cinema we were going to and fancied seeing a movie together?"  
"So it was a plot!" Fred said. "You were going to turn our Dom against us, weren't you LittleWorm!"  
"What? No!" Scorpius protested.  
"I thought we called him The Egg," Lily said.  
"I thought _I _called him The Egg," I said.  
"No one calls him The Egg. Well, a few people do... This is not the point!" James hissed. "The point is you were consorting with the enemy!"

"How did you even find out I was gonna be here?" I asked, and then my gaze fell on my brother, who was looking slightly embarrassed.  
"I heard Maman say it," he admitted.  
"Louis William Weasley. Prepare to die."  
"Why didn't you tell me you were going out with my cousin?" Al interrupted.

I figured he was talking to Scorpius... I _hope _he was talking to Scorpius or this is kinda incest-y and wrong.

"Maybe he didn't tell you, cos he knew _this _would happen?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.  
"I'm perfectly fine with you two going out!" Al said, looking astonished that I'd thought otherwise. "James just dragged me along cos he doesn't like the number seven."

A few of the other (Muggle) audience members were glowering in our direction, and we all dropped our voices.

"I cannot believe you're dating Scorpius _Malfoy_!" Fred hissed.  
"I cannot believe you gatecrashed my _date_!" I hissed back.  
"So it was a date!" Louis said, triumphantly.  
"Why can't you date someone _nice. _Like..." James frowned, struggling to think of someone he wanted me to date. "Why can't you become a nun?"

I snorted.

"I am not having this conversation with you. Go away. I'm very cross."  
"We paid to see this too!" Fred said. "We'll be here. Watching you."

I glared at them all, and turned round in my seat, fuming.

I am officially not ever talking to James, Lily, Fred, Roxi, Hugo, Molly, Lucy or Louis ever again.

Grrrr.

**Please review? **


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen – How To Stay Angry At Your Cousins

**Eeep! Thank you **_**sosososo **_**much to everyone who's reviewed! I'm almost at 50 now! That makes me very happy. Anyway, the idea for this chapter comes from something Girlbubble7911said. So thanks! Oh, and I am not J.K. Rowling. If I was then Tonks and Lupin would never have died *sad face***

Gah!

I am so cross.

I am as cross as a cross thing woken up at five a.m by annoying cousins.

Yes, I am still cross at my cousins, and yes it _has _been two weeks. I have not spoken to any of them except Al for two whole weeks, and they are _definitely _cracking under the pressure. MUAHAHAHA.

This morning, when I woke up, I found that someone had cleared up Gorilla's cage for me _and _left a note.

_Dear Dom – I am so sorry for gatecrashing your date with Scorpius, please talk to me again. Love Louis. _

NO DOM! DO NOT GIVE IN! They _gatecrashed _your _date. _Embarrassing you, and stopping Scorpius from kissing you. Not that you wanted to or anything. Why am I even talking to... Or rather, who is talking to me?

Oh no! I have a voice inside my head! I'm going MA-A-A-AD. Well, madder than I was. Or am.

I have managed to confuse myself and it hasn't even gone nine yet.

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...

OK, it has now gone nine.

I got dressed, and contemplated brushing my hair, before deciding not to bother. On the way downstairs, I heard voices from the kitchen.  
"Oh yes, James, I am sure Dominique will be very glad to see you. She has been very lonely zis past two weeks – she has started talking to herself."

_Darn, she did notice. _Well you weren't exactly being very quiet about it. _Shut up, weird voice in my head_.

Wait... Backtrack... Is Maman talking to ... JAMES! GAH - NUUUU!

I ran back up to my room, and slammed the door, leaning against it, breathing heavily. I don't want to talk to my cousins! I'm cross with them. Although she is right. I have been very lonely zis past two weeks. I mean, these past two weeks. I don't talk with an accent. Do I?

"Hey, voice in my head – do I talk with an accent?" I asked. Silence. "Nothing? Really? Is this part of your policy – you only talk when it makes me look weird?"

_Pretty much, yeah_.

I am so lonely and insane.

And hungry.

Gah! Why did they have to be in the _kitchen. _Why couldn't they be in the living room, or the bathroom or something? Or just, not here.

Yeah, let's go with the last one.

No. I shall go down there, and I shall get myself some toast, and I shall continue with my Haughty Ice Queen Dominique impression. I'm getting quite good at it.

With this in mind, I went downstairs, and into the kitchen. Maman had vanished, leaving me alone with my cousins, who all stood up when I entered.

"OH DO-O-O-OM!" Roxi wailed, throwing herself onto the ground. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I DON'T CARE IF YOU FORGIVE THE OTHERS OR NOT BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

_Don't give in, _the voice in my head insisted. Shut up Carly. Carly...? OK, you have a name now.  
"Who's Carly?" Al asked, the corners of his mouth twitching. "And before you say anything, yeah I know you're not cross with me. I'm just here because James doesn't like the number seven." 

Ah, apparently I had spoken that last bit out loud.

"It's none of your business who Carly is," I said grandly. "Now please get out of my kitchen."  
"Technically," Louis said, "it's my –"

I threw him a Glare of Utter Doom and Destruction, and he changed tack at lightning speed.

"I made you toast, Dom!"  
"Thank you," I said, icily, taking the toast from him, and sitting down at the table to eat it. "And yes, Roxi, I forgive you, but only you."  
"YESSSS!" Roxi punched the air. "I RULE!"

"I wrote you a letter of sincere apology," Fred announced, pushing his sister over. "Dear Dom. I am sorry that I gatecrashed your date with He Who Must Not Be Named. Not Voldemort, the other one. To prove how extremely sorry I am, I am prepared to do something drastic. From, Fred."

He looked up, hopefully. _DON'T GIVE IN, DON'T GIVE IN, DON'T GIVE IN! _Carly shrieked in my head. I hit myself, and she fell silent. Good.

The truth is I had missed my cousins. Well, most of them. Most of the time. I hadn't missed James' Quidditch obsession, or Louis' habit of calling me Dommy, or... Well, you get the picture.

"Alright, I forgive you all," I said, abruptly, and they all sighed with relief, and hugged me.

No, it's not sweet, because when they drew back, I had no more pieces of toast on my plate, and James had jam around his mouth. I glowered and he grinned.

"So, what're we doing today?" Lily asked, sitting down opposite me.  
"Quidditch? Four on five?" James suggested.  
"Or we could get Victoire to play, and make it _fair,_" Molly said.  
"Or," I said, "we could go down to the beach. You people seem to forget I live on the edge of one."

And yes, that is how we spent the day. And my cousins were my loyal servants for the rest of eternity, and they did not dream of gatecrashing any further dates I had with Scorpius.

OK, I may or may not have made that last bit up but hey! A girl can dream.

**Ehhh... I don't really like this one so much, but I promise to have a better chapter up soon. Please review? **


	20. Chapter 20

How to Survive Fourth Year (And Angry Cousins)

**I'm back...? **

And we have been back at school for a long time.

TOO LONG.

I feel like a caged bird. A bird in a cage, where freedom is a handful of seeds hovering tantalisingly just beyond the bars.

What were we talking about again?

Well. I was talking. Writing. Thing.

How about I just start advising you on HOW TO SURVIVE FOURTH YEAR!

(This is when the crowd goes 'WOOT WOOT')

Yes, OK, we'll move on before it gets awkward for everyone.

"Dom-Dom-Dommy-Dom-Dom!" James shrieked, vaulting over the sofa and landing next to me. "Wassup my peep?"  
"Jimmy, I love you, but you are not, and never will be _street_," I told him.  
"You wound me," James said, clutching his heart and falling off the sofa.  
"I thought fourth years were meant to be mature," I said, to no one in particular.  
"As long as you two and Fred are in fourth, you do not have a _hope _of maturity." Rose said, primly, passing overhead.

Uh oh.

"Are you cross with me Ro?" I asked, stepping over James (YOU CAN'T PROVE I STOOD ON HIS HAND! NO ONE CAN!) and following her to the desk by the window.

Oh yes, there's a desk by the window.

Fred calls it Archie.

"Why would I be cross with you Dom?" Rose asked, slamming her books down onto the table.  
"You just slammed your books down onto the table," I pointed out.  
"Wow, you're a genius," Rose said.  
"Harsh," Hugo commented, passing by.

What is it with the Weasley-Grangers and walking by _just _at the right moment to say something. I shall call it the...Rogo. Cos _Ro_se and Hu_go. _Geddit? See what I did – Never mind.

"I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, shape or form dearest Rosie, and if you can tell me how to make it right, I shall do all within my power to accomplish whatever mission you present me with!"  
"Hand this in to Professor McGonagall," Rose said, passing me a roll of parchment. "And I shall _think _about it."  
"It's the best you're gonna get," Hugo observed, walking back towards the fireplace.  
"Thanks Hugo. Thanks," I said, sarcastically.

Oooh sarcasm. That's a new one.

"No it's not," Rose said, passing me to go up the stairs to the girls dorms.  
"And the Rogo strikes again," I sighed. I got a weird look from a first year who doesn't know our family. Ah to be young, and not to know our family.

So I set off on my ADVENTURE! I walked purposefully towards the portrait hole, and was stopped by James and Fred.  
"'Ello, 'ello, 'ello," Fred said, bouncing on his heels.  
"What have we here?" James said. "Are you going to visit someone, Dominique?"  
"Yes."  
"And does this person's name begin with an _M_?"  
"Yes..."  
"What did we agree?"  
"That in order for our relationship to continue," Fred said, and I rolled my eyes.  
"Incest Fredward."  
"It's just _Fred_!" Fred said, crossly. "And get your mind out of the gutter."  
"My mind is not in the gutter! It's in... Well, I don't know where it is. It ran off with my marbles."

They exchanged weirded out looks, and I pushed past them. They fell into step next to me.  
"Can we come with you?"  
"I think you guys are actually secret twins."  
"Well, he is my brother from another mother."  
"My bro."  
"My _brah._" James added.

We all fell about laughing. No, I mean we literally fell over. Then someone pulled me up, and I found myself looking into grey eyes. (This is where my mind goes: OH MY GOD HE'S GROWN! HE'S TALLER THAN ME! He was always taller than you, idiot. HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AN IDIOT? YOUR FACE IS AN IDIOT... Waaaaaiiiit.)

Yeah, my mind isn't helpful.

At all.

"Hi Scor," I said, casually.  
"Hi Scor," Fred and James (Frames? Jad?) mimicked. I debated hexing them. But didn't. Cos I'm a nice cousin *_hairtoss*_  
"Hey Dom."  
"Hey Dom," Frames mimicked. Yeah, I decided on Frames. Obviously... The picture frames didn't randomly come to life and start being annoying. Although at this school... Anything goes...  
"Where are you off to?"  
"McGonagall's office," I said, waving a roll of parchment. "Delivering something for Rose. I'm off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz –"  
"He really is the wizard of whiz, if ever a whiz there was!"

Roxi bounded round the corner, and joined in.

Everyone else stared at us blankly.

"Come on?" I said.  
"Wizard of Oz?" Roxi raised her eyebrows. "You _have _to have seen it?"  
"Yeaaah, we watched it in Muggle Studies. Well, Dom watched it. I fell asleep," James said. Fred put an arm round his sister.  
"Join us sister.  
"Puh-lease. I'm weird enough already. I don't need you guys infecting me."

She waved goodbye at us, and skipped off.

"Infecting? I take offence."  
"We prank at dawn." 

Frames nodded at each other.

"You have an epic bromance," I told them.  
"It's true. We do." Fred said, seriously. "Which is better than an epic _romance_ isn't it Dom?"  
"I'm not breaking up with the Egg – _Scorpius_!" I snapped. They sighed. Scorpius took my hand (my mind went 'FWEEEEEEEEE' and died. R.I.P mind. You served me well) and led me off to McGonagall's office.

See, if I didn't know _one _sane person I'd probably still be in the womb.

What?

Insane people procrastinate. It's a proven fact.

Have you _met _my cousins?

**And there it is. I apologise for the wait. :/ I will **_**trytrytry **_**to get the next one up sooner, but in the meantime – review? **


	21. Chapter 21

How to Survive Fourth Year (And Angry Cousins)

**I'm back...? **

And we have been back at school for a long time.

TOO LONG.

I feel like a caged bird. A bird in a cage, where freedom is a handful of seeds hovering tantalisingly just beyond the bars.

What were we talking about again?

Well. I was talking. Writing. Thing.

How about I just start advising you on HOW TO SURVIVE FOURTH YEAR!

(This is when the crowd goes 'WOOT WOOT')

Yes, OK, we'll move on before it gets awkward for everyone.

"Dom-Dom-Dommy-Dom-Dom!" James shrieked, vaulting over the sofa and landing next to me. "Wassup my peep?"  
"Jimmy, I love you, but you are not, and never will be _street_," I told him.  
"You wound me," James said, clutching his heart and falling off the sofa.  
"I thought fourth years were meant to be mature," I said, to no one in particular.  
"As long as you two and Fred are in fourth, you do not have a _hope _of maturity." Rose said, primly, passing overhead.

Uh oh.

"Are you cross with me Ro?" I asked, stepping over James (YOU CAN'T PROVE I STOOD ON HIS HAND! NO ONE CAN!) and following her to the desk by the window.

Oh yes, there's a desk by the window.

Fred calls it Archie.

"Why would I be cross with you Dom?" Rose asked, slamming her books down onto the table.  
"You just slammed your books down onto the table," I pointed out.  
"Wow, you're a genius," Rose said.  
"Harsh," Hugo commented, passing by.

What is it with the Weasley-Grangers and walking by _just _at the right moment to say something. I shall call it the...Rogo. Cos _Ro_se and Hu_go. _Geddit? See what I did – Never mind.

"I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, shape or form dearest Rosie, and if you can tell me how to make it right, I shall do all within my power to accomplish whatever mission you present me with!"  
"Hand this in to Professor McGonagall," Rose said, passing me a roll of parchment. "And I shall _think _about it."  
"It's the best you're gonna get," Hugo observed, walking back towards the fireplace.  
"Thanks Hugo. Thanks," I said, sarcastically.

Oooh sarcasm. That's a new one.

"No it's not," Rose said, passing me to go up the stairs to the girls dorms.  
"And the Rogo strikes again," I sighed. I got a weird look from a first year who doesn't know our family. Ah to be young, and not to know our family.

So I set off on my ADVENTURE! I walked purposefully towards the portrait hole, and was stopped by James and Fred.  
"'Ello, 'ello, 'ello," Fred said, bouncing on his heels.  
"What have we here?" James said. "Are you going to visit someone, Dominique?"  
"Yes."  
"And does this person's name begin with an _M_?"  
"Yes..."  
"What did we agree?"  
"That in order for our relationship to continue," Fred said, and I rolled my eyes.  
"Incest Fredward."  
"It's just _Fred_!" Fred said, crossly. "And get your mind out of the gutter."  
"My mind is not in the gutter! It's in... Well, I don't know where it is. It ran off with my marbles."

They exchanged weirded out looks, and I pushed past them. They fell into step next to me.  
"Can we come with you?"  
"I think you guys are actually secret twins."  
"Well, he is my brother from another mother."  
"My bro."  
"My _brah._" James added.

We all fell about laughing. No, I mean we literally fell over. Then someone pulled me up, and I found myself looking into grey eyes. (This is where my mind goes: OH MY GOD HE'S GROWN! HE'S TALLER THAN ME! He was always taller than you, idiot. HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AN IDIOT? YOUR FACE IS AN IDIOT... Waaaaaiiiit.)

Yeah, my mind isn't helpful.

At all.

"Hi Scor," I said, casually.  
"Hi Scor," Fred and James (Frames? Jad?) mimicked. I debated hexing them. But didn't. Cos I'm a nice cousin *_hairtoss*_  
"Hey Dom."  
"Hey Dom," Frames mimicked. Yeah, I decided on Frames. Obviously... The picture frames didn't randomly come to life and start being annoying. Although at this school... Anything goes...  
"Where are you off to?"  
"McGonagall's office," I said, waving a roll of parchment. "Delivering something for Rose. I'm off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz –"  
"He really is the wizard of whiz, if ever a whiz there was!"

Roxi bounded round the corner, and joined in.

Everyone else stared at us blankly.

"Come on?" I said.  
"Wizard of Oz?" Roxi raised her eyebrows. "You _have _to have seen it?"  
"Yeaaah, we watched it in Muggle Studies. Well, Dom watched it. I fell asleep," James said. Fred put an arm round his sister.  
"Join us sister.  
"Puh-lease. I'm weird enough already. I don't need you guys infecting me."

She waved goodbye at us, and skipped off.

"Infecting? I take offence."  
"We prank at dawn." 

Frames nodded at each other.

"You have an epic bromance," I told them.  
"It's true. We do." Fred said, seriously. "Which is better than an epic _romance_ isn't it Dom?"  
"I'm not breaking up with the Egg – _Scorpius_!" I snapped. They sighed. Scorpius took my hand (my mind went 'FWEEEEEEEEE' and died. R.I.P mind. You served me well) and led me off to McGonagall's office.

See, if I didn't know _one _sane person I'd probably still be in the womb.

What?

Insane people procrastinate. It's a proven fact.

Have you _met _my cousins?

**And there it is. I apologise for the wait. :/ I will **_**trytrytry **_**to get the next one up sooner, but in the meantime – review? **


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty One – What To Do When Your Insane Owl Goes On A Quest For Revenge

**I really do apologise for the awful wait. Luckily it's the holidays so I'll try and write more. Thanks to it'.unusual who gave me the idea for this chapter. Except it kinda veered off course... If you like Glee – go check out her stuff. It's awesome. So I own nothing except Gorilla.**

What to do when your insane owl goes on a quest for revenge.

Well.

It's kind of a long story.

It began on a dark, and stormy night in December. (It actually _was _dark and stormy? How exciting!) Anyway!

I say anyway a lot don't I?

OK, I'll try and _not _say it for the rest of this story thing.

Any-Rightyho!

So, a dark and stormy night, and I had just finished eating dinner, and I was going to go up to the Owlery with Kay and Soph and feed Gorilla some Owl Treats. They have a new cheese flavour. I didn't know owls _like _cheese, but Gorilla does. Then again... Gorilla isn't exactly normal...

"Dom! Wait up!"

I looked round, and saw Scorpius coming towards me. Kay and Soph giggled.  
"See you Dommy," Kay said.  
"Don't call me Dommy," I said. "Bye."  
"We'll feed Gorilla," Soph promised, and they skipped off, just as Scorpius drew level with me. He offered me his arm, and I took it.  
"Can I show you something?"  
"Will it explode, bite, squirt acid or maim me in any way?" I asked.  
"No..." he said, looking weirded out. What? I've been friends with Fred and James for too long...  
"Then sure!"

We walked on in silence for a few minutes, and then my head started singing the Llama Song, so I decided to break the quiet.  
"So... What is it?"  
"What?"  
"What you want to show me."  
"I can't tell you."  
"OK... _Where _is it?"  
"Spoilers," he winked. "We're almost there. Trust me?"  
"Er..."

He'd already put his hands over my eyes, so my very Gryffindor-stranger-danger reaction was lost. We were walking back, forth, back, forth, and then there was a rush of warm air.  
"What – _woah_!"  
"I know," Scorpius said, smugly.

We were standing in the stars. I kid you not. They were there, spinning beneath us, and around us, and above us. I squeaked.  
"What... How... Oh!" I said. "It's so pretty!"  
"Yeah," he said.  
"How?" I asked, reaching out to touch some of the wispy stardust that floated across my path.  
"I was talking to Al," he said, "and he said something about a Room that is only available to those who want it. So I went to find it, and I was thinking; I need something to make Dom happy. And I opened the door, and... There was this."  
"It's gorgeous," I said, very conscious of the blush steadily spreading over my cheeks. _Damn Weasley genes.  
_"You like it?"  
"Yes," I said, nodding enthusiastically. I twirled off, and my uniform caught the stars and went all silver and pretty.

Then I remembered the oh-so-prosaic annoyingness that was my Potions homework, and came back.  
"I have –"  
"You're really pretty," he said, and I he kissed me.

He kissed me.

Then there was a sound from somewhere above. It was a strange mixture of the James Bond theme and the Jaws one. I looked up. Gorilla was hovering above us, flapping his wings to stay aloft, and glowering as well as a fluffy, grey, slightly chubby owl can.  
"I have a feeling your owl is upset..." Scorpius whispered. Gorilla peeped crossly.  
"I agree," I said.  
"How did he get in here?"  
"This is Gorilla," I said, extending my arm. My owl landed on it and pecked my wrist slightly harder than necessary before looking at Scorpius in a challenging way. I do not kid. My owl was challenging my... Thing.

Yes, I am descriptive.

We shall move on.

(Ha! I didn't say The Word)

"We do not question his methods," I continued. "But we do hide when he seeks revenge."  
"Your owl seeks revenge on people...?" Scorpius repeated.  
"Yes," I said, nodding seriously. "I'm very sorry but I should probably go feed him."  
"That's alright. I have homework..." Scorpius said. Gorilla flicked his wing in the direction of the door, and peeped triumphantly. Scorpius looked unnerved and we left together, before parting ways. He went down to the DUNGEONS OF DOOOOOOM (that's Doom. Not Dom as my brother would say it) and I went to the owlery.

**Thoughts? NOW IMPORTANT MESSAGE! I'm kinda running out of ideas, so if anyone has any, please tell me. Review? **


	23. Chapter 23

**Is anyone reading this anymore...? :/ I made it extra long and lovely XD Hopefully... : ) I don't own anything. **

Chapter Twenty Two – How to Be Awesome In A Compartment With A Group Of Weird People Who Are Related To You

Basically... Just be yourself. _You are beautiful no matter what they say, and words can't bring you down, _and all that JAZZ! I shall now proceed to relate a (hopefully) hilarious anecdote of my time aboard the Hogwarts Express, steaming through the delightful countryside home to London (and then onto Shell Cottage.)

HA I SAID SOMETHING LIKE A STEREOTYPICAL POSH PERSON IN THE NINETEENTH CENTURY! Cough up boys.

"BONJOUR!" I yelled, bursting into the compartment where Victoire, Teddy Loops, Louis, Hugo and Lucy all sat. They jumped and stared at me.  
"What?"  
"Is that anyway to greet your favourite sister?" I said, sitting down next to Louis and ruffling his hair. He growled at me.  
"Dom, we all know _I'm _his favourite sister," Victoire said, her eyes twinkling, from the corner.  
"Then there's only one way to settle this."  
"Asking me?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"No, silly. Rock paper scissors. Three, two, one –"

Tori and I rock-ed, paper-ed, scissors-ed and I WON! Bwahaha.  
"I'm Lou' s favourite sister! Woooooh!"  
"Did someone give you chocolate frogs or something?" Teddy asked, sounding amused.  
"Roxi," I nodded seriously.  
"Roxi has chocolate frogs?" Lucy ran out of the compartment, yelling for her cousin. Our cousin.

We're going home for Christmas, going home for Christmas, going home for Christmas!

Hugo pushed Louis off his seat and sat next to me.  
"McGonagall gave us holiday homework," he whined.  
"Aw," I said, sympathetically. "If it makes you feel better, she didn't give us any."  
"How would that make us feel better?" Louis asked, as Hugo looked confused."  
"You can rest safe in the knowledge that I am having fun while you are slaving away over –" I pulled the half finished essay out of Hugo's hands and read the title. "Transfiguring your rat."  
"Urrrrrrrrgh," Hugo agreed.  
"Get out of my seat, Weasley," Louis said, pulling Hugo off it.  
"You're a Weasley too – AAAAAAGH HELP ME!"  
"Louis, don't tickle Hugo, and Dom, can't you control them?"  
"I am not a control freak," I reminded my sister, miming throwing up at the sickening sight of her and Teddy Loops holding hands and staring all lovingly into each other's eyes. GROSS GROSS GROSS. "I think it's time we cut in?" I whispered to my little brother/cousin/thing. (What? I'm not sure Louis is entirely human... I mean, apart from the veela thing we both have going. Cos... Yeah... I'm going to stop talking before this gets awkward for the both of us... )

Hugo sat on Teddy's lap, and Louis flung his arms round Victoire. I sat next to her and started plaiting her hair.

Allow me to explain something here. Teddy graduated last year, but he wanted to become a teacher, so he's coming back to get work experience. So this is probably the first time alone Vicky and him have had all year. Which might be why they're glaring at us and Teddy is making slashing motions across his neck at me – the Criminal Mastermind, ha eat your hearts out James and Fred.

Speak of the devil. James and Fred sauntered into the compartment. Do they ever just walk? Do they know how?  
"Dom! There you are! We've been looking everywhere."  
"We even checked the Slytherin compartment. It got _bad _in there."

They nodded seriously, and I frowned at them.  
"Why would I be in the Slytherin compartment?"  
"Your –"  
"The Egg." James cut in, giving Fred a look.  
"Him."  
"You're so strange," I said, ruffling their hair.  
"The Egg?" Teddy asked, leaning forward, his hair slowly turning purple. Did you know purple was the colour of confusion? No. Neither did I.  
"Scorpius _Malfoy,_" Fred growled.  
"Dom's boyfriend," Hugo explained. Teddy looked at me, his eyes laughing.  
"My little girl's all grown up!" he said, hugging me tightly.  
"Teddy you're – killing me!" I flopped back onto the seat and pretended to be dead for about half an hour while my family sang Christmas carols.

They obviously care so much for me.

"Hey Dom, where's Gorilla?" Hugo asked me, a few minutes after I'd given up being dead and was now simply proof reading his essay like the lovely cousin I am.  
"Yeah, where is he? I thought this carriage was too sane," Victoire commented, looking at me reading, Hugo hanging upside down from the luggage racks, and James, Fred and Louis playing Exploding Snap in the corner seats.  
"He's asleep in the other compartment," I explained. "With Roxi and Lucy and Molly and some other people."  
"Where're Kayla and Sophie then?" James asked, tilting his head back to look at me.  
"Why?" I demanded. "Are you a psycho out to kill them?"  
"No, I was just wondering."  
"They're with the Puff."  
"The Puff?" Fred said. "The one by the lake?"  
"That Puff," I agreed.  
"We really need to learn her name."  
"Isn't it a guy?"  
"It has long hair," Fred argued.  
"Guys can have long hair!" James protested. "Look at Louis!"  
"Louis is a veela. He doesn't count."  
"OI!" Louis threw the nearest thing at them. Luckily it wasn't Hugo, because the last time one of us threw a cousin it didn't end very well...  
"No 'fence meant, dude!"  
"How was 'he doesn't count cos he's a veela' not offensive?"  
"Cos... I didn't mean it like _that_," Fred said, looking horrified.  
"I am not going to talk to you," Louis said, turning around in his seat so he couldn't see them, and so quitting the game.

I rolled my eyes at them.  
"Smooth guys."  
"Sorry Louis," they chorused, looking abashed. Then James' pack of cards exploded in his hands, singeing his eyebrows and making us all laugh. So I suppose he forgave them.

**So this didn't really have much to do with Christmas, but I will be using grilbubble7991's idea in the next chapter which I WILL post this week. (Guys you have to remind me or I'll forget :/) Reviews make me happy!**


	24. Chapter 24

**This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful it'snotunusual who has written some amazing stuff (go check her out) and gave me the idea for this story after a long bout of writer's block. So – LOOK!LOOK!LOOK!LOOK!LOOK! READ THE FOLLOWING Okay – if you have a prompt idea for this story please **_**please **_**tell me, because I'm running out of ideas. :/ Thank you, and I own nothing. Except Gorilla. **

Chapter Twenty Four - How to Trick Your Overprotective Sister Into Thinking You're Dying

"Hey Luce," I said, as Fred, James and I sat down around her one evening shortly after returning to the dreaded place of learning (aka: school).  
"What are you doing?" James asked, looking over her shoulder.  
"I am painting," Lucy explained.  
"It's very good," Fred complimented.  
"Thank you," Lucy said. "Now stop distracting me."

Aaaah the lovely Weasley bluntness gene. It gets us in trouble with teachers...

Fred and James were still looking at the table, but their eyes had drifted away from Lucy's painting, and settled on a tub of red paint... Uh oh...  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Freddy?"  
"I think I am Jamesy."

They looked hopefully at me.  
"Eh. Why not."  
"Yesss! You rock Dommy!"  
"Don't call me Dommy," I growled. They paid me no attention. As per usual.  
"Hey Luce," Fred said. "Can we borrow the red?"  
"Yeah, sure," Lucy said. "Whatever."

She elbowed it over to us, and we sprinted off.  
"Okay," James said. "Who do we trick first?"  
"Rose," Fred said, instantly. "She'll faint."  
"Nice one," James cackled. He sprayed me with red paint.  
"Oi!"  
"It'll come out," he said, dismissively. "Act dead."  
"Maybe this wasn't such a..."  
"ACT DEAD DOMINIQUE!"  
"I AM NOT PRETENDING TO BE DEAD JAMES!"  
"Urgh," James said. "Fine. Act hurt."  
"Oh the pain!" I deadpanned.

He glared at me.

We heard footsteps, and Victoire pattered down the stairs.  
"_Victoire!_" James yelled. "It's Dom!"  
"What's Dom?" Victoire said, stopping immediately, and turning round, her blue eyes worried.  
"She's... Er..." James swallowed.  
"Hurt," said Fred, who was apparently less afraid of my sister's Wrath (yes, it deserves to be capitalised) than James.  
"Dominique is hurt?" Victoire cried. "Where?"

I waved feebly at her.  
"What happened, Cherie? Are you alright? YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO HER?" Victoire turned with blazing eyes onto my cousins who squeaked in fear. "Let's get you to the hospital wing. Where does it hurt?"  
"It doesn't," I said. "It's –"

She had already lifted one of her hands, red with my 'blood' to her nose.  
"This," she said, quietly. "Is paint."  
"Heh... Whaddya know? She bleeds paint. RUN!" James yelled, pulling me after him.  
"I HAVE TO GO FEED MY OWL!" I shrieked.  
"WE HAVE TO HELP HER!" Fred agreed, and we all veered away from Victoire and ran, past Roxi who said -  
"Hi guys," and then Scorpius, who said -  
"Huh?" and then Rose who said –  
"AAAH!" and fainted, and then Kayla who said -  
"Hi James," and made me and Fred go;  
"WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS TOO! TRAITOROUS WOODMOUSE!" Okay, to be fair, only Fred said that last bit. I'm the normal one... Kinda.

Anyway, we got to the Owlery in one piece (except James lost a sock. Don't ask me how he lost a sock without losing a shoe, I have _no _idea.) Gorilla was apparently asleep by the door, but when I went over with a bowl of owl nuts, he opened one eye, and peeped happily at me.  
"Aha, Ms Weasley. We have been expecting you," Fred said, in a growly voice. We all (as in, James, Gorilla and I (isn't my grammar good?)) looked at him, and backed away.

**Review? **


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five – How To Survive A Storm. In A Boat. With Your Boyfriend.

**Dedicated to RamonaOne-FAN who gave me the prompt for this chapter. And it is amazing! The prompt. Though I hope the chapter's alright too. XD SO I own nothing that you recognize.**

Er...

Yes.

I'm wet.

Completely _soaked _to be exact.

And my school uniform is ruined. And there are trotter marks on my shirt.

Urgh. I better start from the beginning.

Once upon a time there were two people, and they had a little baby girl who they called Dominique Juliet Weasley.

Mind, this is Dom. I'm glad you've returned, but when I said the _beginning _I mean the beginning of the reason I'm wet with trotter marks on my shirt. Not the beginning of my life! Guh. Amateur.

"Where are we going?" I whined, following Scorpius as he led me (blindfolded) to our date.  
"Well," he said, coming behind me to untie the blindfold. "You said that the most magical thing you'd ever done was go to Hogwarts, right?"  
"Yes," I said, as he pulled off the blindfold. "So?"  
"So we're going to recreate that magical moment. Come on."

We were in the cove. I thought I hadn't recognized where we had gone. Scorpius climbed into the nearest boat, and tapped the lantern with his wand. It ignited immediately. He held out his hand, and I climbed in.  
"Won't we get into trouble?"  
"Probably," he said, tapping the side of the boat. "But where's your Gryffindor spirit?"  
"Slytherin."  
"Gryffindor."

The boat jerked to a start, and we both fell backwards. I looked round.  
"I don't remember _that _happening."

Scorpius shrugged.  
"It probably isn't used to magic this far in the school year."  
"If I get eaten by the Giant Squid, I will kill you," I warned.  
"It's a risk I'm prepared to take."

While I tried to work out whether this was an insult or not, he looked up at the sky, and groaned.  
"Dammit!"  
"What?"  
"It looks like it's about to rain."  
"I like the rain," I said, leaning back against the wooden compartment thingymabob. You know? The one people store picnic baskets in and things? I don't know why there was one in the Hogwarts boats, I really don't.  
"You'll get wet."  
"No? Really? In a _storm_? Wow, I'd never have guessed."

He smirked at me, and the first few drops of rain pelted us. A comfortable silence stretched between us. Then Scorpius snorted.  
"What?"  
"What?"  
"You just snorted like a pig."  
"No I didn't!" he defended himself. "I thought _you _did, but I was too polite to say something."  
"I didn't!" I said.

The snort sounded again. Scorpius stood up, and the boat rocked a bit.  
"Sit down!" I ordered. He did.  
"It's coming from the wooden compartment thingymabob," he said, pointing. I gave him a strange look, and shuffled over, to flip the locks off, and open the lid.

A pig jumped out, and the boat rocked again.

"What in the name of Merlin's saggy left buttock is _that_?" Scorpius said, horrified.  
"It's a pig, Scorp," I said, lifting the pig up to prevent it rocking the boat anymore. "It's Lily's pig. Look, it's wearing trotter warmers!"

This time, I was on the receiving end of a weird look.  
"What are you doing here, Belinda?" I asked the pig.  
"Lily has a pig?"  
"I suppose..." I double checked the compartment. "She smelt your picnic."  
"Lily has a _pig_?"  
"Because she's eaten it all," I continued. "Except the pork pie. I suppose she felt it would be cannibalism."  
"Lily has a _pig_? Like... A pig? With a curly tail, and a snout, and... A _pig_?"  
"Which it would be. Yes, Scorpius, a pig, I believed we covered that?"  
"Your family are unreal," he said, shaking his head, but looking slightly amused. A crack of thunder.

Belinda squeaked, angrily.  
"She doesn't like the storm," I said.  
"Do you want to go back?" he asked. There was a crack of lightning, and he was briefly illuminated – white blonde hair plastered to his face, and rivets of rainwater dripping down his nose like tears.  
"I think it might be a good idea," I agreed. He tapped the side of the boat with his wand, and it spun round in a dizzying circle, rocking frantically from side to side. Belinda squealed. Scorpius yelped. I – like the true Weasley I am – said;  
"WHEEEEEE!"

We were all upended into the water. I caught Belinda. Can pigs swim? It's probably not the best time to find out...  
"Dom!" Scorpius yelled, flailing madly in the water. "Where are you?"  
"I'm fine," I said, calmly, bobbing in the water with an armful of Lily's pig.

Well that's one thing I never thought I'd say.

He splashed inelegantly over to me, and together we pushed the boat the right side up, and scrambled in, heaving Belinda the pig before us. He made to pull his wand out from where he'd stuck it for safe keeping in his boot (I thought he'd spent rather too much time with my family for keeping it somewhere like that) and I said;  
"Scorp? Not that I don't trust your magic abilities, but seeing what happened last time...?"

I tapped the boat with my wand, and it shot off like a gullet from a bun. No, wait, it can't be a bun. A bullet from a gun, maybe? No, that sounds wrong as well. Oh I don't know – it's a very fast thing from a Muggle weapon.

Anyway, we rocketed back to land, and clambered back up the steps, dripping wet, and clutching a slippery pig.

"That was... interesting..." I said kindly, as we walked back up to the castle, in the thunder.  
"It was awful," he sighed.  
"It was interesting," I repeated.

**Thank you once more to RamonaOne-FAN who gave me the idea, and please review? All prompts will be used as long as they're kid friendly : ) **


	26. Chapter 26

What to Do When Your Cousins Turn Your Boyfriend Into A Newt

**Well – hi. I am so so sorry for the hiatus. I've had exams, and my life pretty much went to hell for a couple of months, **_**and **_**I had writers block. I'd like to say that this is me coming back, and I will try 100% my hardest to get writing again. But for now, I own nothing.**

Well... Don't laugh.

He wasn't very happy.

Sorry Scorp. _Blink blink, halo, halo._

I guess I'll start from the beginning.

"Hola senorita," Kay said, coming up to me as we left potions for lunch.  
"I'm half French, not Spanish," I reminded her.  
"I knew that," she grinned. "Oh – hey Louis."  
"What are you doing?" I asked. He grabbed my hands.  
"Dom, come quick, they turned him into some sort of reptile and Rose fainted, and we're all gonna DIE."  
"Er –" I said, brilliantly.  
"Who turned who into a reptile? And why are we gonna die?"  
"James and Fred turned Scorpius – just come on!"  
"They turned my boyfriend into a reptile?" I demanded, following him up the steps two at a time. "Well yeah, someone's gonna die!"  
"Where are we going?" Kay gasped, running behind us. Louis and I are very good at running. It comes from being in a family with a jillion kids who like to tie you up and feed you to the crocodiles.

Fred and James were huddled by the statue of the one eyed witch, with Fred's hands cupped over something with a long green tail.  
"What did you _do_?" I yelled. They jumped, and Fred let go of the reptile. It landed on Rose, who was beginning to stir.  
"What happened – AAAAAAGH!" She hit the ground again. Kay looked worried, bless. No one's used to Rose yet.  
"Sorry Dom! We didn't mean to hit him! I swear on Fred's life!"  
"Oi!" Fred smacked James up the head.  
"What was that for?"  
"Don't swear on my life, mister, or I'll do much worse!"  
"When you two are _quite _finished," I said, icily. "Guys! I thought you were over the whole I'm-dating thing."  
"We _are _over _that. _We're just getting our heads around the fact it's a Slytherin."  
"So? He's funny, kind, smart –"  
"Gross," James interrupted. "Look, we're sorry, please stop talking."  
"You disgust me," I informed him. He had the decency to look abashed.  
"But it is kinda funny, right?" Fred said, hopefully.

I narrowed my eyes at them, and then down at the little newt crouched on Rose's forehead.

Then I laughed.

I know, I know. I'm a horrible girlfriend.

But you have to understand that all his clothes had been shrunk with him.

He was like a little stuffed newt. Except he wasn't stuffed. Yeah...

"Turn him back," I ordered, still smirking.  
"On a scale of one to ten, how angry would you be if I said that we didn't know how to?" James asked, curiously.  
"Twenty," I said, primly. Louis and I exchanged an exasperated look as they took a step back.  
"I'll go find a teacher?" Kay suggested.  
"NO!" Fred bellowed. We jumped.  
"If we get another detention this term, they're gonna owl Mum." James said. He looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. "Please don't make me go through another summer of no-fun, Dommy."  
"What do we do then?" I asked, flicking him just in case he thought I was a push over.

Which I am.

But he doesn't have to think that.

"Well, it was a hex from McGonagall's class –" Fred said, thoughtfully.  
"Is that Scorpius Malfoy?" came a voice from behind me. We all turned around, half expecting to see a teacher, but instead we saw a girl with curly red hair who wasn't related to us.

Interesting.

"Er... Who's asking?"  
"A friend," the girl snapped.  
"How did you know it was him?" Fred asked, awed.  
"Fred! Don't _tell _her!"  
"Sorry."  
"Well he's got a little blonde wig... And the only other person with hair that blonde is right here." The girl threw a look at Louis, who looked slightly self conscious.

Oh Merlin.

The newt has a wig.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, I'm done.

No, it's still funny.

HAHAHAHA.

"Would you by any chance know the counter curse?" I asked. She paused.  
"Well. It's either the counter curse or a spell to turn your skin purple..." She waved her wand before we could ask her why she knew a spell to turn skin purple. There was a puff of smoke and a flash of light and a chorus of heavenly voices – okay, I made that bit up – and then Scorpius was stood in front of us, with his skin a little bit lilac.  
"It'll wear off soon," the girl chirped. "See you in DADA Scorp." And then she was off, humming the Muggle song _Copacabana. _  
"Well that was... Weird..." Fred said. James merely blinked.  
"Was that the random Hufflepuff?" Kay asked.  
"I don't... Think so..." I said. But then, I hadn't seen my random 'Puff since the end of last month. People can change.

We all turned back to Scorpius, who was breathing heavily. I half expected him to throw back his head and roar a battle cry, but he kinda skipped that bit out, instead charging at my dorky cousins.

Who fled down the corridor screaming for mercy.

Ah boys.

Will they ever learn?

**Yeah... Reviews are really appreciated if anyone's still reading this. I'm sorry for the wait, again.**


End file.
